What if God Gave Me Everything I Asked For?

I wondered that today. What if God gave me everything I asked for in prayer? If I wanted Him to give me a million dollars, what if He gave it to me? It is really hard to imagine if God gave me everything I ever asked for. Today, I just realized that what I am asking is not what God wants for me at all. I was so angry and almost resentful towards God. I guess I am a child of habit and I reverted back to listening for a sign from God. I realized today that it wasn't a sign or revelation from God that I needed. I also realized that what I thought was God telling me something was in fact either me hoping for something in my imagination that can never be or the devil putting thoughts in my head. I realized that if God in fact answered this hope of mine, it may not be the way I expected or be what I in fact needed. I think what I am trying to say is that I was playing a chess game with God and trying to anticipate every move He made. I wanted to also coax Him to do it my way because it would turn out best. It is funny how our imaginations and dreams take over and almost convince us that God wants this for us and it is all pure motives on our part. I like to think that I am a martyr by sacrificing so much of myself for God's will to happen.

All it is in fact, is me trying to tell God how to run my life. It is my will against His. I sort of want Him to do His will if it will turn out the way I anticipate it should. I feel like I am some days trying to arm wrestle God to listen to me. I realize that behind all these wants of mine, is a child who just is having trouble trusting God. After my tantrum, I was really glad that God doesn't answer prayers the way I want Him to. I am glad He doesn't give me everything I want because that would make me a spoiled and ungrateful child. It makes me love God even more because He cares for me so much that He wants to gently do His will in my life. I know now that I need to let go of trying to control God and just let God be Himself in my life. I don't need any sign or revelation to make me realize that He is in control. I also realize He takes all my prayers into account and answers them in one way or another the way He sees best.

Some days I want a revelation of what may happen in my life but today I realized that I want to live in the truth of this moment. He is revealing Himself to me in the way I didn't expect. He is showing me that He is trustworthy. Everyone else may fail me but He won't. Noone can rescue me but God. I am really glad because that is everything I want for today. Thanks God.