The more I plan things, the more I realize how things aren't what I want them to be. I am at the age when I thought I was done with trying to control and plan my life. That isn't the case. I still want to control my life. I want to manage my life so that I can predict the outcome of my life. The contrary side of my personality is I love surprises. My favorite part of my childhood is having people jump out and yell "Surprise" and for it to have really surprised me.
I don't know when I started being so anal and perfectionistic but I became that. There is no way life can be planned. I have got to stop doing that because it is just hurting me. There are things we can hope will turn out. I hope I will celebrate my next birthday or I hope I will get up tomorrow. I am trying to be a woman who stays in the moment of things. I know that right now I am writing this post but I have no idea what tomorrow will hold. I am trying to enjoy just being as opposed to always trying to control life. I would then be living for the things that haven't even happened yet. It never turns out exactly the way I want it to anyways and when it does, it is kind of disappointing. I mean being predictable isn't all it is cracked up to be.
I really am glad that God doesn't go by our schedules. He takes everything into account and He sees the big picture. I actually want to be surprised because that is what makes it fun. I just need to trust God and know that He will help me with everything I go through. I just want to get used to the surprises and have fun. Planning takes so much effort and I can use that energy to help others.
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