Letting God Take the Wheel

There are times in my life that I want to be at the wheel. I don't want God to tell me where to go. Alot of those times when I take the wheel, I usually get stuck where I don't want to be. There have been times in my life where if I would have waited just a little bit longer, things may have not turned out the way they did. I have learned to make decisions carefully lately. There can be major decisions that need to be made during our life. There are decisions about school, getting a job, moving, getting married, having children and when to retire just to name a few.

I used to be such a planner of my life. I tried to plan when I would get married and how many kids I would have. I tried to determine my steps in everything. I am in fact very stubborn and strong willed. I was almost a breach baby but turned myself around at the last minute so not to cause my mom terrible grief. My mom was all prepared for me to be a difficult birth. She told me that it was then she realized I would have a mind of my own from then on. She was so right. I did whatever I wanted even if people didn't agree with me. It did work alot of havoc in my life in fact. I fought God at every turn in my life.

It was when things didn't turn out like I wanted them to, that I realized I was fighting a losing battle. I didn't get married like I wanted and didn't have children like I planned. I was frustrated as everyone else seemingly got what they wanted and I didn't get what I wanted. I had my tantrum with God and didn't want to believe that God could control this in my life. I went my own way and struck out on all these "get married" fast schemes. I ended up hugely disappointed and hurt. I think I became tired out fast over all this scheming.

I can see God in heaven just waiting for me to tire of all my schemes. I was a long distant runner in my youth and so tiring wasn't in my personality. I have perseverance. Yet, God knew I had to rest some time. He was so right. IT took so many years of foolishness before I realized that God wasn't my enemy. He wasn't out to get me. I couldn't control Him nor do I ever want to control Him. He wants the very best for me. I may not agree with it all but know He is taking everything into account.

Instead of running ahead of God's timing, I became interested in listening and being patient. It took my head getting banged up from hitting the same wall to realize this. God knows everything about me and wants to help me realize what His plans are. The other day, I knew I was finally listening because He told me to just give up the search. I did at that moment. I am now learning what to keep and what to throw away. I realized that God isn't on any sort of time line of accomplishment. He knows my age and knows where I am in life. I don't need to remind him. I also realize that I am asking God to surprise the heck out of me with His plans. I still think it will take a miracle for me to get married at this point.

I do realize that for God, a miracle is nothing. I think I just need to remind myself that I want to submit to His will. He knows what is best for me. I am learning contentment and patience at this point. I believe God has the very best for me. Just so I don't go in the wrong direction, I am giving God the wheel. I know He won't direct me in the wrong direction. Thy will not mine Lord.