A few days ago, I was caught up in a deja vu of a familiar time or place. I was half asleep and recalled a memory of a warm summer day and the smell of rain. It all seemed so vaguely familiar. It was then that I remembered my childhood. I recalled memories of a hot upstairs room with no air circulating. I recalled memories of smells of watermelon and potato salad. It was just enough to give me some hope in this dreary world. Sights and sounds of the past were so much cleaner and purer. It seemed like, food tasted alot better and times seemed alot more carefree and fun.
I think as a person gets older, one is left with these memorable experiences to remind them of times that were enjoyable. These times give me hope that this life is more then just what I am living today. I carry all the memories of my past and these are kept in store to remind me of the journey I have been on. Life is a journey and there is reason, dream and emotion in all of who I am. I am glad that these times reveal the person I am. I am the same child who drank Kool-aid and played tag. I am the same child who still loves all those sights and sounds. I am glad that my memory knows just when to revive those past hopes and dreams.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Timing is Everything
You know I was thinking today that timing is everything. There is the right timeto look for a job and the right time to stop. There is timing as to when to ask for something and when not to. I am so sure that God's timing is perfect in all things today. I have seen that alot of times I want to have something take place faster then it needs to sometimes. If I push on God's hand to make something happen, it always backfires. I know He is teaching me that today.
The other thing that is also occurring to me is that I don't really know what I want. I may think I want to have something happen in my life when deep down it isn't what I want at all. The problem is that in the world we live in, everything has to happen so quickly. It is an instant society. Yet, it has always been proven that patience in things is where wisdom lies. It also shows that if I wait for things, usually I find that I didn't want them in the first place. God is so wise about everything.
I may be uncomfortable and lonely at times but I know that when all is said and done, it will be worth it not to rush into anything. It takes years to raise a child or grow an oak tree but we aren't willing to take the same time with the growth in ourselves. I learned today that I want to wait because I know that there is something better for me then fulfilling this desire right now. The growth that comes out that little bit of discomfort makes it all worth the wait. I can set my clock by that promise.
The other thing that is also occurring to me is that I don't really know what I want. I may think I want to have something happen in my life when deep down it isn't what I want at all. The problem is that in the world we live in, everything has to happen so quickly. It is an instant society. Yet, it has always been proven that patience in things is where wisdom lies. It also shows that if I wait for things, usually I find that I didn't want them in the first place. God is so wise about everything.
I may be uncomfortable and lonely at times but I know that when all is said and done, it will be worth it not to rush into anything. It takes years to raise a child or grow an oak tree but we aren't willing to take the same time with the growth in ourselves. I learned today that I want to wait because I know that there is something better for me then fulfilling this desire right now. The growth that comes out that little bit of discomfort makes it all worth the wait. I can set my clock by that promise.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Help I'm Sinking
I am feeling like I am sinking today. My faith is really being tested in the last little while. I am reaching out to hold on to something or someone and it seems like there isn't anything or anyone to hold onto. I know God is in all this but I just feel like this is a test. My life seems like it is such a mess right now. Life sends us some real trials sometimes. I feel like the lions are closing in for the kill in this den. Why do I have to go through this I wonder? I feel like it is all for growth but it seems like it is too hard to keep afloat.
I feel like trusting is hard enough for me but to trust in this is asking alot. I guess the only thing to do is look backwards. How did God get me through other trials I have gone through? There is a pattern here and I just got to figure it all out. I know there are people in other parts of the world getting tested too. I wished I could talk to some of these people right now. I know God can provide for me but I just don't know how He is going to do it. I guess for today, all I can do is reach and hope He grabs my arm and pulls me through. He has done it in the past and I know He will do it now.
I feel like trusting is hard enough for me but to trust in this is asking alot. I guess the only thing to do is look backwards. How did God get me through other trials I have gone through? There is a pattern here and I just got to figure it all out. I know there are people in other parts of the world getting tested too. I wished I could talk to some of these people right now. I know God can provide for me but I just don't know how He is going to do it. I guess for today, all I can do is reach and hope He grabs my arm and pulls me through. He has done it in the past and I know He will do it now.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Triggers
There are things that set me off when I am talking to people. There are called triggers or things that cause a deep passionate reaction in me. I am a passionate person by nature and have always stood by my convictions. I have gotten into many a fight or disagreement with people because I have stood by what I believe. When is it time to act and when is it time to let things go? I am just learning that very thing.
Today I had been reading this really intense book called "Broken Image" and it brought up alot of pain in my life. There was a part of the book which was telling me that the reason that I have trouble in relationships is because I have problems with my mother. The problem was that she never picked me up enough and held me. I had always known that my mother had kept a distance between me and her. She had lost a daughter before me and this proved to keep her from becoming close to me. It wasn't my fault but I always felt a bit guilty and shamed for existing. I was never able to be myself because my mom and dad always wanted me to be someone else. I learned early on to surpress my feelings. I have had great moments of joy in my life but there are also these great moments of loneliness and hurt. This has been a trigger my whole life. I have been looking for a mother in every woman to accept me and for a father to accept me in every man. It hurt me because this trigger kept me suspended in these moments as a child where I had no idea how to develop healthy relationships as a child or an adult. My whole life has been a search for who I am in another person. The search stops today. I realized that this trigger needs to be disarmed. Isn't it funny how when you are trying to change, you meet those who want to keep you the same? They can't deal with this new person. They also don't want to deal with their own pain and rejection as well.
Now that all this stuff is coming to the surface, I am feeling vulnerable and the triggers seem to be going off for me emotionally. I was talking to a friend after I had read this book and had an epiphany when out came the triggers in things she said. I am a sensitive person as it is but now am super sensitive dealing with all of this. It wasn't her fault exactly but I am learning how to let these things heal in time. I am learning that Jesus knows me better then myself. He won't leave me vulnerable and He is willing to heal the hurts inside of me. The triggers may go off at times but they teach me about myself each time they go off. God wants me to learn healthy ways of getting through this stuff. There is in fact a learning and growth to all of this. It takes time.
We all have triggers and as I learn what sets me off, I can tell other people they are hurting me. I want to learn to not let triggers control me or overcome me. I know in time, these things will be just memories. I know in Jesus all things are possible. Today, all the triggers went off but tomorrow is a new day.
Today I had been reading this really intense book called "Broken Image" and it brought up alot of pain in my life. There was a part of the book which was telling me that the reason that I have trouble in relationships is because I have problems with my mother. The problem was that she never picked me up enough and held me. I had always known that my mother had kept a distance between me and her. She had lost a daughter before me and this proved to keep her from becoming close to me. It wasn't my fault but I always felt a bit guilty and shamed for existing. I was never able to be myself because my mom and dad always wanted me to be someone else. I learned early on to surpress my feelings. I have had great moments of joy in my life but there are also these great moments of loneliness and hurt. This has been a trigger my whole life. I have been looking for a mother in every woman to accept me and for a father to accept me in every man. It hurt me because this trigger kept me suspended in these moments as a child where I had no idea how to develop healthy relationships as a child or an adult. My whole life has been a search for who I am in another person. The search stops today. I realized that this trigger needs to be disarmed. Isn't it funny how when you are trying to change, you meet those who want to keep you the same? They can't deal with this new person. They also don't want to deal with their own pain and rejection as well.
Now that all this stuff is coming to the surface, I am feeling vulnerable and the triggers seem to be going off for me emotionally. I was talking to a friend after I had read this book and had an epiphany when out came the triggers in things she said. I am a sensitive person as it is but now am super sensitive dealing with all of this. It wasn't her fault exactly but I am learning how to let these things heal in time. I am learning that Jesus knows me better then myself. He won't leave me vulnerable and He is willing to heal the hurts inside of me. The triggers may go off at times but they teach me about myself each time they go off. God wants me to learn healthy ways of getting through this stuff. There is in fact a learning and growth to all of this. It takes time.
We all have triggers and as I learn what sets me off, I can tell other people they are hurting me. I want to learn to not let triggers control me or overcome me. I know in time, these things will be just memories. I know in Jesus all things are possible. Today, all the triggers went off but tomorrow is a new day.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
The Motives of the Heart
I just realized today that when I look at someone, I often judge the motives that they have. I think that some days, I have figured out some people's motives. I think I can tell by the things they do or the way they do them. Today as I was praying, I realized how wrong I might be about some of those things. I am really glad that I am not God because I would really misjudge alot of the motives that I see. I think when someone does something really mean, my first reaction is that they intentionally meant to do that to hurt us. I mean, it hurt so they must know what they are doing.
As I have gotten older, I have realized that I do some hurtful things without meaning to or because it is just a habit for me. I really am blind and ignorant to what I am doing. It by no means excuses it because it does hurt the other person. There are consequences both seen and unseen to all this as well. I think that is where all the sowing and reaping come into play. When something comes back to us, we may realize just how harmful that behavior is to other people and we may then try to change it.
I think that by realizing that what you see isn't all there is, that may help to lessen the blow to yourself. Motives are really important in anything we do. God sees the true motives of our heart and will judge us on that. That is why I need Him in my life so that the motives of my heart will be pure as opposed to serving my hurts and my selfish needs. It becomes a balance to do all this. It is great to get these moments of clarity so that overlooking things doesn't become so hard. There is also a time to speak up but most times God's voice is so crystal clear in the silence, there isn't a need to speak. He knows just how to get to the bottom of everything.
As I have gotten older, I have realized that I do some hurtful things without meaning to or because it is just a habit for me. I really am blind and ignorant to what I am doing. It by no means excuses it because it does hurt the other person. There are consequences both seen and unseen to all this as well. I think that is where all the sowing and reaping come into play. When something comes back to us, we may realize just how harmful that behavior is to other people and we may then try to change it.
I think that by realizing that what you see isn't all there is, that may help to lessen the blow to yourself. Motives are really important in anything we do. God sees the true motives of our heart and will judge us on that. That is why I need Him in my life so that the motives of my heart will be pure as opposed to serving my hurts and my selfish needs. It becomes a balance to do all this. It is great to get these moments of clarity so that overlooking things doesn't become so hard. There is also a time to speak up but most times God's voice is so crystal clear in the silence, there isn't a need to speak. He knows just how to get to the bottom of everything.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
What Happens When You Meet Horrible People?
There are absolutely awful people out there and it is only going to get worse. Just today, I found out how awful some people can be. I found out that someone who called themselves my friend was actually knifing me in the back. Isn't that nice? This has become a more common occurrence then not. Workplaces are full of this crap. Office gossip, tongue lashing someone for a thrill, backstabbing, bullying and the list goes on. It makes most people angry and bitter at everyone else. These people who do this stuff are so needing to be put in their place. They need someone to tell them all the mean and nasty things that they do to others. IT DOESN'T HELP THOUGH!!! Do you know why? IT is because they are desensitized and hardened people. They would be classified as people with no soul. These are the criminal minds of today who live among us. Except, their crime is acceptable and condoned as far as I can tell. It is definately a crime which is punished to go and kill someone but how come it isn't a crime to kill or break a human spirit or to abuse the heart of someone? That would have most if not all of us locked away I tell you! In the bible it says that because of the things going on in the world, the love of most will grow cold.
Hey, that is actually happening today! I think alot of people are cold loving people. Is there any real love out there? Yes, I believe there is. IT is very rare and when you find it, hang on to it with all your life. It may not be there forever! Jesus is also the only one who displayed the reality of God's love and He still does today.
Back to the horrible people....what is the best medicine for these people? Well, funny you should ask that. I think the best punishment is to let them live with themselves. YEP!! Sooner or later in time it all catches up to them. It is kind of humbling when this happens both for the person it is meant for and for the person watching. Funny how God made this world just that way. See, these people are assuming they are gods and that there isn't a greater God out there anyways. That is why it always takes them by surprise. "PRIDE COMETH BEFORE THE FALL!"
So, I am not going to worry about this friend because I believe in God, I believe He is just and I believe HE will deal with her. See, I believe that God knows where to strike and when. He shows himself cunning to those who are cunning. Also, He protects those who are innocent. I know I am innocent and I know I believed this person. Karma is simply Reaping what you Sow. It also says: Pity the man who catches a Fool in his folly. Yep, God catches all fools eventually. I have been a fool and I have been fooled. I am asking God for more wisdom so that I can avoid those foolish times. It says that "God's foolishness is wiser then man's intelligence and God's weakness is stronger then man's strength." They aren't fooling anybody but themselves. They may think nobody is watching but God is. I believe He knows all things. I believe He will deal with this situation.
Even horrible people can turn around if they want to. There is always reason for them being so horrible too. The only thing is that horrible times may fall upon them because of what God does in their life to get through to them. I am thankful that I am growing to see that I don't have to be the victim but I can see myself to rise above to let God handle the horrible people. "Vengeance is mine!" sayeth the Lord. I know God can handle it all!! Ain't it great?
Hey, that is actually happening today! I think alot of people are cold loving people. Is there any real love out there? Yes, I believe there is. IT is very rare and when you find it, hang on to it with all your life. It may not be there forever! Jesus is also the only one who displayed the reality of God's love and He still does today.
Back to the horrible people....what is the best medicine for these people? Well, funny you should ask that. I think the best punishment is to let them live with themselves. YEP!! Sooner or later in time it all catches up to them. It is kind of humbling when this happens both for the person it is meant for and for the person watching. Funny how God made this world just that way. See, these people are assuming they are gods and that there isn't a greater God out there anyways. That is why it always takes them by surprise. "PRIDE COMETH BEFORE THE FALL!"
So, I am not going to worry about this friend because I believe in God, I believe He is just and I believe HE will deal with her. See, I believe that God knows where to strike and when. He shows himself cunning to those who are cunning. Also, He protects those who are innocent. I know I am innocent and I know I believed this person. Karma is simply Reaping what you Sow. It also says: Pity the man who catches a Fool in his folly. Yep, God catches all fools eventually. I have been a fool and I have been fooled. I am asking God for more wisdom so that I can avoid those foolish times. It says that "God's foolishness is wiser then man's intelligence and God's weakness is stronger then man's strength." They aren't fooling anybody but themselves. They may think nobody is watching but God is. I believe He knows all things. I believe He will deal with this situation.
Even horrible people can turn around if they want to. There is always reason for them being so horrible too. The only thing is that horrible times may fall upon them because of what God does in their life to get through to them. I am thankful that I am growing to see that I don't have to be the victim but I can see myself to rise above to let God handle the horrible people. "Vengeance is mine!" sayeth the Lord. I know God can handle it all!! Ain't it great?
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Life is Too Short
I am really taken aback by things that happened today. I walked a 12 year old dog today who is up for adoption. That little dog whose name was Casey, appreciated that walk so much. He licked my face and I fell so in love with this little dog. I wanted to take him home and knew I couldn't. Would anyone adopt this little dog? My heart sank as I looked at him scratching on the window and barking for me to come back. I never realized how much that affected me till I was crying my eyes out on the bus. How could I have attached myself to this little dog in that brief moment I walked him?
I think we are meant to become attached to people and animals. IT shows we have the capacity to love and care about each other. I think it is when we become so hard inside to not even feel anything, that is when it becomes a lonely place. I used to think I was such a weakling for being affected so deeply by things. I think that is just the way I am made. I am learning over time to talk my way through some of the things I go through so I don't take things so hard. I love having compassion and empathy. I may get hurt alot but I also know I can love alot too. I hope there are other people like me out there. IT helps balance out all the cynical and cold people who walk the earth. They still need love even if they don't realize it yet.
I was also deeply affected by the death of Heath Ledger today. He was only 28 and died of a drug overdose. I was shocked that this could have happened to someone like him. I felt like it takes a sharp blow like this on the heart of Hollywood to teach them that life is not merely by chance. Wake up and don't take these people for granted. I believe that so much time is taken in creating images and movies, that we forget they are people too. They hurt and they need to know they are loved. That is true of all of us. Life is so short for all of us. We all face death some day. The problem is we don't know when that will be. I didn't know Heath Ledger at all and why I am personally affected, I have no idea. I think it is just because it is a loss of life taken so young and so unexpected. I guess no matter which way I look at it, death is never something you can prepare for.
I learned two years ago, when I lost my mom what that actually meant. I learned that I wanted to just love people so much when I have them here on earth. There are still the ignorant people who could care less about you but you never know how one gesture of caring could change them. I want to believe that though life is short, there is still time to make a difference in this world. I want to remember this and try to live this as best as I can.
I think we are meant to become attached to people and animals. IT shows we have the capacity to love and care about each other. I think it is when we become so hard inside to not even feel anything, that is when it becomes a lonely place. I used to think I was such a weakling for being affected so deeply by things. I think that is just the way I am made. I am learning over time to talk my way through some of the things I go through so I don't take things so hard. I love having compassion and empathy. I may get hurt alot but I also know I can love alot too. I hope there are other people like me out there. IT helps balance out all the cynical and cold people who walk the earth. They still need love even if they don't realize it yet.
I was also deeply affected by the death of Heath Ledger today. He was only 28 and died of a drug overdose. I was shocked that this could have happened to someone like him. I felt like it takes a sharp blow like this on the heart of Hollywood to teach them that life is not merely by chance. Wake up and don't take these people for granted. I believe that so much time is taken in creating images and movies, that we forget they are people too. They hurt and they need to know they are loved. That is true of all of us. Life is so short for all of us. We all face death some day. The problem is we don't know when that will be. I didn't know Heath Ledger at all and why I am personally affected, I have no idea. I think it is just because it is a loss of life taken so young and so unexpected. I guess no matter which way I look at it, death is never something you can prepare for.
I learned two years ago, when I lost my mom what that actually meant. I learned that I wanted to just love people so much when I have them here on earth. There are still the ignorant people who could care less about you but you never know how one gesture of caring could change them. I want to believe that though life is short, there is still time to make a difference in this world. I want to remember this and try to live this as best as I can.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Throwing Your Plans Out the Window
The more I plan things, the more I realize how things aren't what I want them to be. I am at the age when I thought I was done with trying to control and plan my life. That isn't the case. I still want to control my life. I want to manage my life so that I can predict the outcome of my life. The contrary side of my personality is I love surprises. My favorite part of my childhood is having people jump out and yell "Surprise" and for it to have really surprised me.
I don't know when I started being so anal and perfectionistic but I became that. There is no way life can be planned. I have got to stop doing that because it is just hurting me. There are things we can hope will turn out. I hope I will celebrate my next birthday or I hope I will get up tomorrow. I am trying to be a woman who stays in the moment of things. I know that right now I am writing this post but I have no idea what tomorrow will hold. I am trying to enjoy just being as opposed to always trying to control life. I would then be living for the things that haven't even happened yet. It never turns out exactly the way I want it to anyways and when it does, it is kind of disappointing. I mean being predictable isn't all it is cracked up to be.
I really am glad that God doesn't go by our schedules. He takes everything into account and He sees the big picture. I actually want to be surprised because that is what makes it fun. I just need to trust God and know that He will help me with everything I go through. I just want to get used to the surprises and have fun. Planning takes so much effort and I can use that energy to help others.
I don't know when I started being so anal and perfectionistic but I became that. There is no way life can be planned. I have got to stop doing that because it is just hurting me. There are things we can hope will turn out. I hope I will celebrate my next birthday or I hope I will get up tomorrow. I am trying to be a woman who stays in the moment of things. I know that right now I am writing this post but I have no idea what tomorrow will hold. I am trying to enjoy just being as opposed to always trying to control life. I would then be living for the things that haven't even happened yet. It never turns out exactly the way I want it to anyways and when it does, it is kind of disappointing. I mean being predictable isn't all it is cracked up to be.
I really am glad that God doesn't go by our schedules. He takes everything into account and He sees the big picture. I actually want to be surprised because that is what makes it fun. I just need to trust God and know that He will help me with everything I go through. I just want to get used to the surprises and have fun. Planning takes so much effort and I can use that energy to help others.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
What if God Gave Me Everything I Asked For?
I wondered that today. What if God gave me everything I asked for in prayer? If I wanted Him to give me a million dollars, what if He gave it to me? It is really hard to imagine if God gave me everything I ever asked for. Today, I just realized that what I am asking is not what God wants for me at all. I was so angry and almost resentful towards God. I guess I am a child of habit and I reverted back to listening for a sign from God. I realized today that it wasn't a sign or revelation from God that I needed. I also realized that what I thought was God telling me something was in fact either me hoping for something in my imagination that can never be or the devil putting thoughts in my head. I realized that if God in fact answered this hope of mine, it may not be the way I expected or be what I in fact needed. I think what I am trying to say is that I was playing a chess game with God and trying to anticipate every move He made. I wanted to also coax Him to do it my way because it would turn out best. It is funny how our imaginations and dreams take over and almost convince us that God wants this for us and it is all pure motives on our part. I like to think that I am a martyr by sacrificing so much of myself for God's will to happen.
All it is in fact, is me trying to tell God how to run my life. It is my will against His. I sort of want Him to do His will if it will turn out the way I anticipate it should. I feel like I am some days trying to arm wrestle God to listen to me. I realize that behind all these wants of mine, is a child who just is having trouble trusting God. After my tantrum, I was really glad that God doesn't answer prayers the way I want Him to. I am glad He doesn't give me everything I want because that would make me a spoiled and ungrateful child. It makes me love God even more because He cares for me so much that He wants to gently do His will in my life. I know now that I need to let go of trying to control God and just let God be Himself in my life. I don't need any sign or revelation to make me realize that He is in control. I also realize He takes all my prayers into account and answers them in one way or another the way He sees best.
Some days I want a revelation of what may happen in my life but today I realized that I want to live in the truth of this moment. He is revealing Himself to me in the way I didn't expect. He is showing me that He is trustworthy. Everyone else may fail me but He won't. Noone can rescue me but God. I am really glad because that is everything I want for today. Thanks God.
All it is in fact, is me trying to tell God how to run my life. It is my will against His. I sort of want Him to do His will if it will turn out the way I anticipate it should. I feel like I am some days trying to arm wrestle God to listen to me. I realize that behind all these wants of mine, is a child who just is having trouble trusting God. After my tantrum, I was really glad that God doesn't answer prayers the way I want Him to. I am glad He doesn't give me everything I want because that would make me a spoiled and ungrateful child. It makes me love God even more because He cares for me so much that He wants to gently do His will in my life. I know now that I need to let go of trying to control God and just let God be Himself in my life. I don't need any sign or revelation to make me realize that He is in control. I also realize He takes all my prayers into account and answers them in one way or another the way He sees best.
Some days I want a revelation of what may happen in my life but today I realized that I want to live in the truth of this moment. He is revealing Himself to me in the way I didn't expect. He is showing me that He is trustworthy. Everyone else may fail me but He won't. Noone can rescue me but God. I am really glad because that is everything I want for today. Thanks God.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Letting God Take the Wheel
There are times in my life that I want to be at the wheel. I don't want God to tell me where to go. Alot of those times when I take the wheel, I usually get stuck where I don't want to be. There have been times in my life where if I would have waited just a little bit longer, things may have not turned out the way they did. I have learned to make decisions carefully lately. There can be major decisions that need to be made during our life. There are decisions about school, getting a job, moving, getting married, having children and when to retire just to name a few.
I used to be such a planner of my life. I tried to plan when I would get married and how many kids I would have. I tried to determine my steps in everything. I am in fact very stubborn and strong willed. I was almost a breach baby but turned myself around at the last minute so not to cause my mom terrible grief. My mom was all prepared for me to be a difficult birth. She told me that it was then she realized I would have a mind of my own from then on. She was so right. I did whatever I wanted even if people didn't agree with me. It did work alot of havoc in my life in fact. I fought God at every turn in my life.
It was when things didn't turn out like I wanted them to, that I realized I was fighting a losing battle. I didn't get married like I wanted and didn't have children like I planned. I was frustrated as everyone else seemingly got what they wanted and I didn't get what I wanted. I had my tantrum with God and didn't want to believe that God could control this in my life. I went my own way and struck out on all these "get married" fast schemes. I ended up hugely disappointed and hurt. I think I became tired out fast over all this scheming.
I can see God in heaven just waiting for me to tire of all my schemes. I was a long distant runner in my youth and so tiring wasn't in my personality. I have perseverance. Yet, God knew I had to rest some time. He was so right. IT took so many years of foolishness before I realized that God wasn't my enemy. He wasn't out to get me. I couldn't control Him nor do I ever want to control Him. He wants the very best for me. I may not agree with it all but know He is taking everything into account.
Instead of running ahead of God's timing, I became interested in listening and being patient. It took my head getting banged up from hitting the same wall to realize this. God knows everything about me and wants to help me realize what His plans are. The other day, I knew I was finally listening because He told me to just give up the search. I did at that moment. I am now learning what to keep and what to throw away. I realized that God isn't on any sort of time line of accomplishment. He knows my age and knows where I am in life. I don't need to remind him. I also realize that I am asking God to surprise the heck out of me with His plans. I still think it will take a miracle for me to get married at this point.
I do realize that for God, a miracle is nothing. I think I just need to remind myself that I want to submit to His will. He knows what is best for me. I am learning contentment and patience at this point. I believe God has the very best for me. Just so I don't go in the wrong direction, I am giving God the wheel. I know He won't direct me in the wrong direction. Thy will not mine Lord.
I used to be such a planner of my life. I tried to plan when I would get married and how many kids I would have. I tried to determine my steps in everything. I am in fact very stubborn and strong willed. I was almost a breach baby but turned myself around at the last minute so not to cause my mom terrible grief. My mom was all prepared for me to be a difficult birth. She told me that it was then she realized I would have a mind of my own from then on. She was so right. I did whatever I wanted even if people didn't agree with me. It did work alot of havoc in my life in fact. I fought God at every turn in my life.
It was when things didn't turn out like I wanted them to, that I realized I was fighting a losing battle. I didn't get married like I wanted and didn't have children like I planned. I was frustrated as everyone else seemingly got what they wanted and I didn't get what I wanted. I had my tantrum with God and didn't want to believe that God could control this in my life. I went my own way and struck out on all these "get married" fast schemes. I ended up hugely disappointed and hurt. I think I became tired out fast over all this scheming.
I can see God in heaven just waiting for me to tire of all my schemes. I was a long distant runner in my youth and so tiring wasn't in my personality. I have perseverance. Yet, God knew I had to rest some time. He was so right. IT took so many years of foolishness before I realized that God wasn't my enemy. He wasn't out to get me. I couldn't control Him nor do I ever want to control Him. He wants the very best for me. I may not agree with it all but know He is taking everything into account.
Instead of running ahead of God's timing, I became interested in listening and being patient. It took my head getting banged up from hitting the same wall to realize this. God knows everything about me and wants to help me realize what His plans are. The other day, I knew I was finally listening because He told me to just give up the search. I did at that moment. I am now learning what to keep and what to throw away. I realized that God isn't on any sort of time line of accomplishment. He knows my age and knows where I am in life. I don't need to remind him. I also realize that I am asking God to surprise the heck out of me with His plans. I still think it will take a miracle for me to get married at this point.
I do realize that for God, a miracle is nothing. I think I just need to remind myself that I want to submit to His will. He knows what is best for me. I am learning contentment and patience at this point. I believe God has the very best for me. Just so I don't go in the wrong direction, I am giving God the wheel. I know He won't direct me in the wrong direction. Thy will not mine Lord.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Sucks To Me
Some days are harder than others. Today was hard for me. I can truly say that my finances are going into a heavy recession. It is crazy in our economy. I mean the cost of everything is sky rocketing and then on top of it all, we are expected to buy to keep the economy booming. That is just plain bull crap. It makes no sense. Everything seems to have taken a turn for the worst. You can't buy anything because you are practically broke yourself.
We live in an easy credit society. Everything is so accessible and by the time you stop, you are in debt up to your eyeballs. No wonder our country is going into recession. It is because of all the debtload we carry. It isn't just the leaders of our country but each individual person. I wish I could be one of those people who knew their limits and when to stop but I'm not one of those people. I want to buy things so I can keep up with everyone but I am still behind. They are always coming up with the newest technology. We have ipods, iphones, music phones, laptops, video games, blue tooth, Plasmas or LCD TVS, interactive and virtual this and that. By the time you think you have caught up, there is a new invention and you are behind again.
It is so exhausting. I am not even trying to do that anymore. I have a semi archaic cell phone and hate text messaging. My TV is still an older one. I am just trying to survive right now. If you try to buy a house, you are up the creek because of the cost of houses now a days. People are getting foreclosed on left and right. What is the use? If you try to rent, the landlords try to rob you blind with rent increases. Then, if you drive a car, you are expected to pay astronomical gas prices and that is, besides the parking, repairs and insurance. Food is so expensive too. Unless you shop with a keen eye, you are forced to pay high costs for everything. How does anyone do it? If you are a single person, it is hard enough but man if you are in a family, it is absolutely crazy. A husband and wife are forced to each work and then still be just making it. We live in a debt ridden and explosively high costing world. The divisions of classes gets farther and farther away from each other. I think soon there will just be poor and rich people in the world. The middle class is getting erased as we speak.
Anyways, I don't think I will solve the crisis in the world. I can only try to work out my finances enough to get through to another day. I have no idea what the answer is except to try my best to get out of debt as fast as I can. That is my goal. I am paying off my visa as fast as possible. I want to be at zero by the middle of next year or sooner. It may be a bumpy ride but that is what happens if you don't take into account the consequences of having the freedom to have credit. I learned from my mistakes. I am putting down my foot and there is no going around it. My brother described going into debt like a brush fire. It starts off slow and before you know it, the whole forest is burned down. It can happen overnight.
As for now, I am documenting my expenses and cutting back on the things I can do without. I will try to buy no name as opposed to the name brands on some things. I also will see if I need to take on a parttime job in the meantime. That is all I can do right now. I am for now living on a prayer. God will help me pay off this as He is the most dependable banker there ever is.
We live in an easy credit society. Everything is so accessible and by the time you stop, you are in debt up to your eyeballs. No wonder our country is going into recession. It is because of all the debtload we carry. It isn't just the leaders of our country but each individual person. I wish I could be one of those people who knew their limits and when to stop but I'm not one of those people. I want to buy things so I can keep up with everyone but I am still behind. They are always coming up with the newest technology. We have ipods, iphones, music phones, laptops, video games, blue tooth, Plasmas or LCD TVS, interactive and virtual this and that. By the time you think you have caught up, there is a new invention and you are behind again.
It is so exhausting. I am not even trying to do that anymore. I have a semi archaic cell phone and hate text messaging. My TV is still an older one. I am just trying to survive right now. If you try to buy a house, you are up the creek because of the cost of houses now a days. People are getting foreclosed on left and right. What is the use? If you try to rent, the landlords try to rob you blind with rent increases. Then, if you drive a car, you are expected to pay astronomical gas prices and that is, besides the parking, repairs and insurance. Food is so expensive too. Unless you shop with a keen eye, you are forced to pay high costs for everything. How does anyone do it? If you are a single person, it is hard enough but man if you are in a family, it is absolutely crazy. A husband and wife are forced to each work and then still be just making it. We live in a debt ridden and explosively high costing world. The divisions of classes gets farther and farther away from each other. I think soon there will just be poor and rich people in the world. The middle class is getting erased as we speak.
Anyways, I don't think I will solve the crisis in the world. I can only try to work out my finances enough to get through to another day. I have no idea what the answer is except to try my best to get out of debt as fast as I can. That is my goal. I am paying off my visa as fast as possible. I want to be at zero by the middle of next year or sooner. It may be a bumpy ride but that is what happens if you don't take into account the consequences of having the freedom to have credit. I learned from my mistakes. I am putting down my foot and there is no going around it. My brother described going into debt like a brush fire. It starts off slow and before you know it, the whole forest is burned down. It can happen overnight.
As for now, I am documenting my expenses and cutting back on the things I can do without. I will try to buy no name as opposed to the name brands on some things. I also will see if I need to take on a parttime job in the meantime. That is all I can do right now. I am for now living on a prayer. God will help me pay off this as He is the most dependable banker there ever is.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
The Meaning of Redemption
I am a true believer in Redemption. Jesus is the only one who is the true Redeemer. The one question I ask is, can everything be redeemed or are some things unredeemable? I made alot of mistakes in my life and have often wondered if I would be paying consequences for every mistake? In life, there is ultimately consequences for alot of the things I messed up in. I have faced some if not all of these consequences at one time or another. I know now that even despite all these consequences, there can still be redemption as well. Consequences teach me inevitably that I did something wrong and to turn to Jesus and to realize that He is the only one who can redeem everything that went wrong. I am also learning that the things I think were really screwed up and horrible, God thought they revealed who He was the most. I am learning that God's thoughts aren't my thoughts. I am also learning that when I am weak, He is strong. He sees the bigger picture of my life.
He sees the way I think and knows what I will do before I do it. He lets me have my freewill in things and takes it all into account. I realize that my focus is so limited. I feel like a horse with blinders on in a race, alot of times. I see what the problem in front of me is and am so concentrated on that but not on the things around me or what the outcome will be. I know that God can help me see beyond myself to what He is doing in my life. I hope for Redemption with everything in my life but God only knows if that is what would be the best result. I need to learn to submit to God's will and let Him be the Redeemer of the things that He knows best.
It takes trust and I am still learning the balance of that. I know now the meaning of Redemption isn't always making amends but knowing that Jesus can make the amends and although I go through consequences, there can be a complete turn around and renewal. Jesus can Redeem anyone and anything at any time. I just need to give it all to Him.
He sees the way I think and knows what I will do before I do it. He lets me have my freewill in things and takes it all into account. I realize that my focus is so limited. I feel like a horse with blinders on in a race, alot of times. I see what the problem in front of me is and am so concentrated on that but not on the things around me or what the outcome will be. I know that God can help me see beyond myself to what He is doing in my life. I hope for Redemption with everything in my life but God only knows if that is what would be the best result. I need to learn to submit to God's will and let Him be the Redeemer of the things that He knows best.
It takes trust and I am still learning the balance of that. I know now the meaning of Redemption isn't always making amends but knowing that Jesus can make the amends and although I go through consequences, there can be a complete turn around and renewal. Jesus can Redeem anyone and anything at any time. I just need to give it all to Him.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Poverty-Is there an Answer?
I am struck by all the poverty in the city I live in. It tears my heart out every time I hear someone begging me for money. There was a man asking me for money today. I felt selfish refusing him money. I had seen him begging for money before this. I had offered him some food and he refused. I just wonder when to believe that they really have a need in their life. We are told not to give them money to feed their addiction. I just can't bear to see someone in need or suffering. I remember giving a lady who was begging for money, a coffee and a hamburger which she thanked me for and then threw away. How can you help some of these people? Do they want to be helped?
There is an outcry in our city for some housing for those who can't afford the housing out there. Is that the answer? I remember volunteering at a Soup Kitchen and asking one man if he wanted off the street. He in not so many words told me he liked it on the street and didn't want to get off the street. I wanted to give him hope that there was a way out except he didn't want any answers. He had everything he needed well in hand.
Working at the kitchen humbled me alot. It wasn't just seeing people so down and out that humbled me but also the attitude of people on the street. They actually hated me and heaped abuse every which way on me. I was surprised, thinking here I was doing them a favor by volunteering to help them out. They could care less. All they wanted to do was to survive. IN fact, I saw them heap abuse not just on me but on others like them on the street. There was in fact some pecking order for existence on the streets. I would see men giving up their meals so other ones with them could eat what they had. This one man offered to marry me to help him off the street. My heart went out to these people and I saw for the first time what existence truly meant. How would I like to live on the streets not knowing where I was going or where my next meal would be? I would be angry too and frustrated and abusive. I stopped patting myself on the back and started reaching out despite the treatment because they really needed help. It was more then a gold star for being a great volunteer. It was putting myself in their spot and seeing what life was through their eyes.
If you ever want to learn some valuable lessons, I would suggest volunteering your time at a soup kitchen. IT sure opens your eyes to what life is all about. I can never totally understand the pain and suffering behind their eyes but I can try to get out of my own smug thinking for at least one minute. I really wish there was an answer to poverty but I don't think there is. I think that it will always exist in this world along with hunger and warfare. My hope is that I can make some difference to just one person to help them survive. I am just one person and hope to meet others who want to do the same thing. I wish there was a more unified front against this stuff. I have a dream of seeing joyful faces instead of pained expressions. I see a world without suffering beyond all this. I know there are others who have that same dream. I hope we can all meet each other and fulfill that dream with Jesus leading the way. Hope is still out there.
There is an outcry in our city for some housing for those who can't afford the housing out there. Is that the answer? I remember volunteering at a Soup Kitchen and asking one man if he wanted off the street. He in not so many words told me he liked it on the street and didn't want to get off the street. I wanted to give him hope that there was a way out except he didn't want any answers. He had everything he needed well in hand.
Working at the kitchen humbled me alot. It wasn't just seeing people so down and out that humbled me but also the attitude of people on the street. They actually hated me and heaped abuse every which way on me. I was surprised, thinking here I was doing them a favor by volunteering to help them out. They could care less. All they wanted to do was to survive. IN fact, I saw them heap abuse not just on me but on others like them on the street. There was in fact some pecking order for existence on the streets. I would see men giving up their meals so other ones with them could eat what they had. This one man offered to marry me to help him off the street. My heart went out to these people and I saw for the first time what existence truly meant. How would I like to live on the streets not knowing where I was going or where my next meal would be? I would be angry too and frustrated and abusive. I stopped patting myself on the back and started reaching out despite the treatment because they really needed help. It was more then a gold star for being a great volunteer. It was putting myself in their spot and seeing what life was through their eyes.
If you ever want to learn some valuable lessons, I would suggest volunteering your time at a soup kitchen. IT sure opens your eyes to what life is all about. I can never totally understand the pain and suffering behind their eyes but I can try to get out of my own smug thinking for at least one minute. I really wish there was an answer to poverty but I don't think there is. I think that it will always exist in this world along with hunger and warfare. My hope is that I can make some difference to just one person to help them survive. I am just one person and hope to meet others who want to do the same thing. I wish there was a more unified front against this stuff. I have a dream of seeing joyful faces instead of pained expressions. I see a world without suffering beyond all this. I know there are others who have that same dream. I hope we can all meet each other and fulfill that dream with Jesus leading the way. Hope is still out there.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
How Do Celebrities Do it?
I decided to watch Entertainment Tonight and I am totally in amazement at what some of these celebrities go through. I watched as Britney Spears had her life thrown at us on screen. She has become a child of destruction and conversation. It is like this horrible train wreck happening before our eyes but you can't look away. I feel so sorry for her and yet here I am watching her. Dr. Phil tried to intervene to help her. That was all publicized. This poor girl can't go anywhere without paparazzi catching shots of her. Is she enjoying all this attention or is she just in a state of breakdown? Whatever the reason, I couldn't help but tell myself that I am overjoyed that I am not her.
I live a relatively quiet existence without any cameras following me. I may think some days people are watching me but that is just my paranoia and not an actual fact. When I was younger, I wished that I could be in a movie. I wished I could meet celebrities. It was a dream for this to happen. We all have our crushes growing up. I remember wanting to marry Shaun Cassidy or Greg Brady from the Brady Bunch. I was naive and all stary eyed and amazed at these people. I remember when I was 7 years old, going to see my first Disney movie. It was all so great. I even got to go to Hollywood twice and walked the stars of fame. I remember wanting to meet Tom Cruise and be in a music video. The allure was so fascinating. I had no idea what was beyond all the movies and what stardom meant.
Today, I am alot older and wiser. I realize now that celebrities are just normal people who have bigger problems than I would ever want. Sure they make all the big bucks (at least some of them do) but they pay big time for all of that. I am so glad I never pursued acting or ever went to Hollywood to become an actress. I wouldn't trade my life for anything in Hollywood, not for all the money in the world. I don't envy the stars that have grown up before our eyes or those that have big family names attached to them. With all the reality shows out there, I realize how some of those celebrities turned out. They have sunk to the reality show low because they still want the fame or don't have a choice. They need money. What happens when all the good looks and charm are gone? What are you left with? I think there are probably regrets to all of this. More and likely there is unresolved baggage and possibly an addiction. I see the celebrities either men or women who are in their forties and still not settled down. I think it is because they believe they will always have the world at their feet. They all believe someone younger or better will come along. I think that some of these people are going to end up alone because their life has become a movie that has no ending. They are living a false sense of truth. It isn't like that for everyone but for some of them it sure is. That is just sad.
I think the worst place to be is Hollywood. Now with the writer's strike, there are limits to what we watch. I am thankful for that because I don't miss some of these shows. Don't get me started on celebrity weddings. I guess that for me, I have gotten into a habit of praying for some of these so called celebrities. I believe that everyone needs prayer. I also think of celebrities being divided into two people, the one we see on screen and the real person. I probably will never talk to the real person behind the celebrity face. I guess that can be a blessing but it can also be a curse. God knows who each of them is and He still wants them to come to Him. Celebrity or no celebrity, they still need hope and a future that can be found in Jesus Christ. That gets beyond the movie/tv face to what is the real face. We all are celebrities in God's eyes. Actually, God doesn't care either way. That is so encouraging. I know He is watching me for sure.
I live a relatively quiet existence without any cameras following me. I may think some days people are watching me but that is just my paranoia and not an actual fact. When I was younger, I wished that I could be in a movie. I wished I could meet celebrities. It was a dream for this to happen. We all have our crushes growing up. I remember wanting to marry Shaun Cassidy or Greg Brady from the Brady Bunch. I was naive and all stary eyed and amazed at these people. I remember when I was 7 years old, going to see my first Disney movie. It was all so great. I even got to go to Hollywood twice and walked the stars of fame. I remember wanting to meet Tom Cruise and be in a music video. The allure was so fascinating. I had no idea what was beyond all the movies and what stardom meant.
Today, I am alot older and wiser. I realize now that celebrities are just normal people who have bigger problems than I would ever want. Sure they make all the big bucks (at least some of them do) but they pay big time for all of that. I am so glad I never pursued acting or ever went to Hollywood to become an actress. I wouldn't trade my life for anything in Hollywood, not for all the money in the world. I don't envy the stars that have grown up before our eyes or those that have big family names attached to them. With all the reality shows out there, I realize how some of those celebrities turned out. They have sunk to the reality show low because they still want the fame or don't have a choice. They need money. What happens when all the good looks and charm are gone? What are you left with? I think there are probably regrets to all of this. More and likely there is unresolved baggage and possibly an addiction. I see the celebrities either men or women who are in their forties and still not settled down. I think it is because they believe they will always have the world at their feet. They all believe someone younger or better will come along. I think that some of these people are going to end up alone because their life has become a movie that has no ending. They are living a false sense of truth. It isn't like that for everyone but for some of them it sure is. That is just sad.
I think the worst place to be is Hollywood. Now with the writer's strike, there are limits to what we watch. I am thankful for that because I don't miss some of these shows. Don't get me started on celebrity weddings. I guess that for me, I have gotten into a habit of praying for some of these so called celebrities. I believe that everyone needs prayer. I also think of celebrities being divided into two people, the one we see on screen and the real person. I probably will never talk to the real person behind the celebrity face. I guess that can be a blessing but it can also be a curse. God knows who each of them is and He still wants them to come to Him. Celebrity or no celebrity, they still need hope and a future that can be found in Jesus Christ. That gets beyond the movie/tv face to what is the real face. We all are celebrities in God's eyes. Actually, God doesn't care either way. That is so encouraging. I know He is watching me for sure.
Monday, January 14, 2008
How do we Know What is Real?
I am struggling with this so much. There are many things in this world that are so superficial. I am struggling to find out what isn't just a vain imagination. I had friends that believed God was giving them signs of how to live. I actually believed them until I found out it was all in her head and had nothing to do with God. IT seems like a crazy notion that God still speaks to christians like He did in Old Testament times. I want to still believe this. What if God called you to such an unbelievable task that you weren't sure that you could through with it? What if you didn't know if it was all in your imagination or if God truly was speaking to you? I have grown to be skeptical of such revelations. My nature tells me to be wary of such things. There are just too many people living out their own realities of what is truth. I often question why God would speak to me. I am noone. Would I recognize what was the truth or would it all be a rude awakening? I need to know.
There are so many people who believe God spoke to them. I don't want to proven crazy for believing such things. Is it crazy to believe this though? Mary saw an angel of God who spoke to her and told her about Jesus' birth. She pondered it all in her heart. She didn't shout it from the rooftops and send out a newsletter announcing she was going to bear Jesus who would save the world. Would anyone have believed her anyways? She was written off as an unwed mother and a tramp who should by law have been stoned. God showed her and everyone else the truth. Jesus was always known as an illegitimate child. How hard was that? Lot had a visitation by three visitors before Sodom and Gomorrah was destroyed. Abraham was told that him and Sarah at an old age would have a son that would be the fulfillment of God's promise to make him a great nation. They were almost 100 years old! Did these people doubt ever? They must have. Joan of Arc said God talked to her. She ended up being burned at the stake. Noah was told to build an ark despite the fact he was in a dry climate that never had rain. God must still speak to us as He did to those long ago. I wonder if I am so used to the natural of things that seeing the supernatural might just blow me away. I may have to fall before the Lord and repent in sackcloth and ashes. I want to believe God still speaks to us to take leaps of faith.
I guess I am trying to determine where the line of faith and imagination is drawn. I know God can work in my imagination to bring about faith. I know there are different giftings. What exactly is my gifting? I just wish I could figure out how to recognize His voice in this noisy world. I am not trying to be ignorant. I really don't know the answer to this. It takes trust to believe that He is speaking to me and He usually does it when I least expect it. Speak Lord, I am listening. This time I really mean it. Help me believe.
There are so many people who believe God spoke to them. I don't want to proven crazy for believing such things. Is it crazy to believe this though? Mary saw an angel of God who spoke to her and told her about Jesus' birth. She pondered it all in her heart. She didn't shout it from the rooftops and send out a newsletter announcing she was going to bear Jesus who would save the world. Would anyone have believed her anyways? She was written off as an unwed mother and a tramp who should by law have been stoned. God showed her and everyone else the truth. Jesus was always known as an illegitimate child. How hard was that? Lot had a visitation by three visitors before Sodom and Gomorrah was destroyed. Abraham was told that him and Sarah at an old age would have a son that would be the fulfillment of God's promise to make him a great nation. They were almost 100 years old! Did these people doubt ever? They must have. Joan of Arc said God talked to her. She ended up being burned at the stake. Noah was told to build an ark despite the fact he was in a dry climate that never had rain. God must still speak to us as He did to those long ago. I wonder if I am so used to the natural of things that seeing the supernatural might just blow me away. I may have to fall before the Lord and repent in sackcloth and ashes. I want to believe God still speaks to us to take leaps of faith.
I guess I am trying to determine where the line of faith and imagination is drawn. I know God can work in my imagination to bring about faith. I know there are different giftings. What exactly is my gifting? I just wish I could figure out how to recognize His voice in this noisy world. I am not trying to be ignorant. I really don't know the answer to this. It takes trust to believe that He is speaking to me and He usually does it when I least expect it. Speak Lord, I am listening. This time I really mean it. Help me believe.
Can Pain teach me to Love?
I often wonder this question. Pain is something inside of us which makes us aware of our vulnerabilities. Pain allows us be in connection to our heart and emotions. I struggle against pain because it causes so much turmoil in my life. When I lost my mother just recently, I thought that the pain would never end. I became angry at God for allowing this to happen. The world is full of pain alot of times. The only way I could understand pain was to look at Jesus.
He lived on this earth as a man and went through everything we go through. Then at the end of it all He was bruised and beaten for all our sins. His life was spent in alot of pain. He had moments of joy but also felt all the pain on this earth. He spent time with lepers, prostitutes, thieves, tax collectors, the blind, the deaf, the demon possessed, and children just to name a few. The thing is that he saw the ills of mankind and yet had ability to still talk and spend time with children. How could he see all this and not become depressed? He wasn't though because he spent time with children who needed to see joy and love as well. I guess my point is that despite all this pain, you can still have joy and comfort and peace. It is because Jesus took all those things on Himself. It is in our pain that Jesus is closest to us. He feels it all with us.
So are we to keep looking for pain to be close to Jesus. I don't think we need to be masochistic in any way. I just think that if we realize that when we go through pain, Jesus can help us and isn't out to hurt us intentionally. Mankind fell in the Garden of Eden and so there is reason for this pain. Jesus becomes the source to turn to because He can bear all this pain for us. In fact, anything we go through He went through already. Since I have gone through these hurts, I have a greater capacity to understand love. I am thanking God not for the pain but in the pain now. I know He can bear all that pain for me. Pain teaches me more about love.
I am still learning this lesson but am trying to remember it when I go through pain. Actually, I am still going through pain. It becomes evident that the more I spend time in the world, the more pain I experience. Thank God for the times of joy as it helps me go through these times of pain.
He lived on this earth as a man and went through everything we go through. Then at the end of it all He was bruised and beaten for all our sins. His life was spent in alot of pain. He had moments of joy but also felt all the pain on this earth. He spent time with lepers, prostitutes, thieves, tax collectors, the blind, the deaf, the demon possessed, and children just to name a few. The thing is that he saw the ills of mankind and yet had ability to still talk and spend time with children. How could he see all this and not become depressed? He wasn't though because he spent time with children who needed to see joy and love as well. I guess my point is that despite all this pain, you can still have joy and comfort and peace. It is because Jesus took all those things on Himself. It is in our pain that Jesus is closest to us. He feels it all with us.
So are we to keep looking for pain to be close to Jesus. I don't think we need to be masochistic in any way. I just think that if we realize that when we go through pain, Jesus can help us and isn't out to hurt us intentionally. Mankind fell in the Garden of Eden and so there is reason for this pain. Jesus becomes the source to turn to because He can bear all this pain for us. In fact, anything we go through He went through already. Since I have gone through these hurts, I have a greater capacity to understand love. I am thanking God not for the pain but in the pain now. I know He can bear all that pain for me. Pain teaches me more about love.
I am still learning this lesson but am trying to remember it when I go through pain. Actually, I am still going through pain. It becomes evident that the more I spend time in the world, the more pain I experience. Thank God for the times of joy as it helps me go through these times of pain.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Prayer Requests
Please Pray for these Requests:
1. Churches and Convents Bombed in Iraq
Four churches and three convents were damaged in coordinated bombings in Iraq on January 6, a day on which many Iraqi Christians celebrate either the Feast of Epiphany or Christmas Eve.
According to numerous reports, the blasts occurred within five minutes of each other at approximately 11:00 a.m. and involved mortar shells, explosive devices and car bombs. In Baghdad, the St. George Chaldean Church in Ghadir quarter, a Chaldean convent in the Zaafaraniya quarter and a Greek-Melkite parish were attacked. In Mosul, the St. Paul Chaldean Church and the House of the Holy Spirit, a Chaldean convent, were simultaneously bombed. A Dominican convent in Nineveh was also attacked and an Ancient Assyrian Church in the al-Nur district was damaged when a parked car blew up outside the building. At least six people were injured, one of them seriously, in the explosions.
Pray for Iraqi Christians as they deal with the effects of this attack. Pray for healing for those injured. Ask God to enable Iraqi Christians to be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer as they suffer for Him (Romans 12:12).
For more information on the persecution facing Christians in Iraq, go to www.persecution.net/country/iraq.htm.
***********************************
2. Chinese Church Leaders Face Criminal Detention
Two highly-respected house church leaders face criminal detention following a raid on a church service in Jiuquan City, Gansu Province on December 20, according to a January 8 report from China Aid Association. Su Dean and Tian Min-ge were arrested while conducting a service along with a co-worker, Wang Hongliang. The three leaders were arraigned on charges of "gathering in an illegal assembly under the guise of religion." Wang was released after fifteen days, but Tian and Su's penalties were elevated to criminal detention on January 5. Seventy-one-year-old Tian Min-ge (also known as Tian Jian), is being held at the Fangcheng County Public Security Bureau in Henan.
Pray for strength for Tian and Su, as they serve their Lord in prison. Pray that they will be released soon. Pray for Christians in China as they continue to minister for the Lord despite the on-going oppression that they face. Pray that the recent commitments to increased religious liberty by the Chinese Communist Politburo will be more than empty promises.
For more information on the persecution of Christians in China, go to www.persecution.net/country/china.htm.
***********************************
3. Believers Attacked During Prayer Meeting in Rajasthan, India
Hindu activists attacked a group of Christian families while they were conducting a prayer meeting in a believer's home in Udaipur, Rajasthan at approximately 9:00 p.m. on January 6. According to a January 8 report from the Evangelical Fellowship of India, the militants surrounded the house and then barged into the home and beat those present, injuring several people.
Pray that these Christians will rejoice in the opportunity to grow in Christlikeness through the ongoing opposition they face (James 1:2-4). Pray for healing for those injured. Pray that the faithfulness of Indian Christians will be a light that draws others to Christ.
For more information on the persecution of Christians in India, go to www.persecution.net/country/india.htm. Video reports on India are available on VOMC's main website, www.persecution.net, on our multimedia website, www.persecution.tv, and on our YouTube and Facebook pages.
***********************************
4. Islamic Scholars Call for Crackdown on Christians in Algeria and Afghanistan
Christians came under fire in Algeria and Afghanistan in recent weeks by Islamic scholars who have called for government crackdowns on Christian activity in the countries.
In Afghanistan, members of the Afghanistan Islamic Council warned President Hamid Karzai not to allow foreign missions into the country, especially to the impoverished areas. The council claimed that missionaries in Kabul and in the provinces were forcibly converting Muslims, enticing them by giving them Bibles and promising to send them abroad. The Islamic scholars warned of serious consequences if the government did not stop Christians from preaching and evangelizing.
In Algeria, the head of the Algerian Association of Muslim Scholars, Sheikh Abdul-Rahman Al-Shayban, called on officials to counter Christian missionary campaigns, claiming they had "reached the point of aggressions against Algerians." According to the Arabic TV station, "Al Arabiya," Shayban called for the crackdown under the religious practice law for non-Muslims, claiming that Christians in tribal villages give people money and university scholarships for converting to Christianity and that the Protestant church rewards its clergy for every Muslim that is converted.
Ask God to thwart the attempts of those who seek to hinder His work in Afghanistan and Algeria. Pray that His servants in these countries will be emboldened to carry on their service to Christ wherever God leads them. Pray that those who accuse Christians of forcible conversion will see that that the Gospel message is one of a free gift, not coercion (Ephesians 2:8-9).
For more information on the persecution of Christians in these countries, go to www.persecution.net/country/afghanistan.htm and www.persecution.net/country/algeria.htm.
***********************************
5. Chinese Christian Bookstore Owner Released
Shi Weihan, a Christian bookstore owner who was detained in late November on charges of "illegally" printing and distributing Christian literature (see www.persecution.net/news/china189.html for more details), was released on bail on January 4 in China. According to a January 7 report from China Aid Association (CAA), two dozen others who were detained on charges associated with his case were also released unconditionally. Weihan is reportedly in relatively good health.
Chinese officials decided against a formal trial for Weihan, dismissing all charges against him due to "insufficient evidence." It is evident that international pressure was instrumental in his release. "The Chinese government has made a positive step in the right direction regarding this case," said CAA President Bob Fu. "This is a clear victory of rule of law and international intervention."
Praise God for Shi Weihan's release. Pray for other Chinese believers still in detention for their Christian activities.
***********************************
6. Raise a Voice by Becoming a VOMC Ambassador
Want to raise a voice for the persecuted in 2008? Become a VOMC Ambassador and bring awareness and concern for the Suffering Church to your own church and community. We will provide you with the training and resources you need to share the message of our brothers and sisters in chains in a professional and informed way. To find out more, give Malcolm a call at 1-888-29-VOICE (298-6423) or use our online contact form at www.persecution.net/contact.htm.
***********************************
7. In This Week's VOMC Weblog (www.persecution.net/weblog.htm)
A variety of questions and issues have been discussed on our weblog this week. VOMC’s C.E.O. Glenn Penner highlights a Christianity Today interview with the patriarch of the Armenian Apostolic Church in Turkey that raises the question "Has Justice Been Delayed for the Armenians in the Name of Security?" He also identifies five "Hindrances to Prayer" and tells "The Tale of Two Drivers" to examine how we react when the Holy Spirit tries to get our attention.
To make comments on these and previous VOMC weblogs, go to persecutedchurch.blogspot.com.
***********************************
The Persecution & Prayer Alert is a ministry of The Voice of the Martyrs, Canada. (Mailing address: P.O. Box 117, Port Credit, Mississauga, Ontario L5G 4L5)
Tel. (905) 670.9721. Website: www.persecution.net
Editor: Glenn Penner
***********************************
Please do not reply to this email, as it comes from an address that is not monitored. To contact us, use our online form at www.persecution.net/contact.htm.
1. Churches and Convents Bombed in Iraq
Four churches and three convents were damaged in coordinated bombings in Iraq on January 6, a day on which many Iraqi Christians celebrate either the Feast of Epiphany or Christmas Eve.
According to numerous reports, the blasts occurred within five minutes of each other at approximately 11:00 a.m. and involved mortar shells, explosive devices and car bombs. In Baghdad, the St. George Chaldean Church in Ghadir quarter, a Chaldean convent in the Zaafaraniya quarter and a Greek-Melkite parish were attacked. In Mosul, the St. Paul Chaldean Church and the House of the Holy Spirit, a Chaldean convent, were simultaneously bombed. A Dominican convent in Nineveh was also attacked and an Ancient Assyrian Church in the al-Nur district was damaged when a parked car blew up outside the building. At least six people were injured, one of them seriously, in the explosions.
Pray for Iraqi Christians as they deal with the effects of this attack. Pray for healing for those injured. Ask God to enable Iraqi Christians to be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer as they suffer for Him (Romans 12:12).
For more information on the persecution facing Christians in Iraq, go to www.persecution.net/country/iraq.htm.
***********************************
2. Chinese Church Leaders Face Criminal Detention
Two highly-respected house church leaders face criminal detention following a raid on a church service in Jiuquan City, Gansu Province on December 20, according to a January 8 report from China Aid Association. Su Dean and Tian Min-ge were arrested while conducting a service along with a co-worker, Wang Hongliang. The three leaders were arraigned on charges of "gathering in an illegal assembly under the guise of religion." Wang was released after fifteen days, but Tian and Su's penalties were elevated to criminal detention on January 5. Seventy-one-year-old Tian Min-ge (also known as Tian Jian), is being held at the Fangcheng County Public Security Bureau in Henan.
Pray for strength for Tian and Su, as they serve their Lord in prison. Pray that they will be released soon. Pray for Christians in China as they continue to minister for the Lord despite the on-going oppression that they face. Pray that the recent commitments to increased religious liberty by the Chinese Communist Politburo will be more than empty promises.
For more information on the persecution of Christians in China, go to www.persecution.net/country/china.htm.
***********************************
3. Believers Attacked During Prayer Meeting in Rajasthan, India
Hindu activists attacked a group of Christian families while they were conducting a prayer meeting in a believer's home in Udaipur, Rajasthan at approximately 9:00 p.m. on January 6. According to a January 8 report from the Evangelical Fellowship of India, the militants surrounded the house and then barged into the home and beat those present, injuring several people.
Pray that these Christians will rejoice in the opportunity to grow in Christlikeness through the ongoing opposition they face (James 1:2-4). Pray for healing for those injured. Pray that the faithfulness of Indian Christians will be a light that draws others to Christ.
For more information on the persecution of Christians in India, go to www.persecution.net/country/india.htm. Video reports on India are available on VOMC's main website, www.persecution.net, on our multimedia website, www.persecution.tv, and on our YouTube and Facebook pages.
***********************************
4. Islamic Scholars Call for Crackdown on Christians in Algeria and Afghanistan
Christians came under fire in Algeria and Afghanistan in recent weeks by Islamic scholars who have called for government crackdowns on Christian activity in the countries.
In Afghanistan, members of the Afghanistan Islamic Council warned President Hamid Karzai not to allow foreign missions into the country, especially to the impoverished areas. The council claimed that missionaries in Kabul and in the provinces were forcibly converting Muslims, enticing them by giving them Bibles and promising to send them abroad. The Islamic scholars warned of serious consequences if the government did not stop Christians from preaching and evangelizing.
In Algeria, the head of the Algerian Association of Muslim Scholars, Sheikh Abdul-Rahman Al-Shayban, called on officials to counter Christian missionary campaigns, claiming they had "reached the point of aggressions against Algerians." According to the Arabic TV station, "Al Arabiya," Shayban called for the crackdown under the religious practice law for non-Muslims, claiming that Christians in tribal villages give people money and university scholarships for converting to Christianity and that the Protestant church rewards its clergy for every Muslim that is converted.
Ask God to thwart the attempts of those who seek to hinder His work in Afghanistan and Algeria. Pray that His servants in these countries will be emboldened to carry on their service to Christ wherever God leads them. Pray that those who accuse Christians of forcible conversion will see that that the Gospel message is one of a free gift, not coercion (Ephesians 2:8-9).
For more information on the persecution of Christians in these countries, go to www.persecution.net/country/afghanistan.htm and www.persecution.net/country/algeria.htm.
***********************************
5. Chinese Christian Bookstore Owner Released
Shi Weihan, a Christian bookstore owner who was detained in late November on charges of "illegally" printing and distributing Christian literature (see www.persecution.net/news/china189.html for more details), was released on bail on January 4 in China. According to a January 7 report from China Aid Association (CAA), two dozen others who were detained on charges associated with his case were also released unconditionally. Weihan is reportedly in relatively good health.
Chinese officials decided against a formal trial for Weihan, dismissing all charges against him due to "insufficient evidence." It is evident that international pressure was instrumental in his release. "The Chinese government has made a positive step in the right direction regarding this case," said CAA President Bob Fu. "This is a clear victory of rule of law and international intervention."
Praise God for Shi Weihan's release. Pray for other Chinese believers still in detention for their Christian activities.
***********************************
6. Raise a Voice by Becoming a VOMC Ambassador
Want to raise a voice for the persecuted in 2008? Become a VOMC Ambassador and bring awareness and concern for the Suffering Church to your own church and community. We will provide you with the training and resources you need to share the message of our brothers and sisters in chains in a professional and informed way. To find out more, give Malcolm a call at 1-888-29-VOICE (298-6423) or use our online contact form at www.persecution.net/contact.htm.
***********************************
7. In This Week's VOMC Weblog (www.persecution.net/weblog.htm)
A variety of questions and issues have been discussed on our weblog this week. VOMC’s C.E.O. Glenn Penner highlights a Christianity Today interview with the patriarch of the Armenian Apostolic Church in Turkey that raises the question "Has Justice Been Delayed for the Armenians in the Name of Security?" He also identifies five "Hindrances to Prayer" and tells "The Tale of Two Drivers" to examine how we react when the Holy Spirit tries to get our attention.
To make comments on these and previous VOMC weblogs, go to persecutedchurch.blogspot.com.
***********************************
The Persecution & Prayer Alert is a ministry of The Voice of the Martyrs, Canada. (Mailing address: P.O. Box 117, Port Credit, Mississauga, Ontario L5G 4L5)
Tel. (905) 670.9721. Website: www.persecution.net
Editor: Glenn Penner
***********************************
Please do not reply to this email, as it comes from an address that is not monitored. To contact us, use our online form at www.persecution.net/contact.htm.
What is a Hero?
I love this video because it is a great video from the Lord of the Rings. It shows who a true hero will be.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Home Free
When I was a little girl, I loved playing hide and seek. I would try to find the best hiding place so noone could find me. It had to be in a place that was safe and not easily found out. It seemed that I wasn't very good at this game and always seemed to be found before everyone else. I also realized I was good at finding people who were hiding. I guess for me life can be like that. I am either hiding or finding people who are hiding themselves. I was reminded of this story I had heard growing up of Jesus looking for that one lost sheep and leaving the 99 behind to find that one lost sheep. He is the most awesome finder of those who are hiding. I have spent most of my life hiding from one thing or another. Jesus always found me though and keeps calling to me to come out of my hiding place. I have spent alot of wasted years hiding from Jesus. I have been hiding mostly from love and from trusting Jesus and other people. I have found that the fun part isn't the hiding part any more but being found. I love it when Jesus finds me as a lost sheep all shivering and afraid. He then just picks me up and holds me for the longest time to assure me that He is not going to let me go. He shows me that even though I hid, that he isn't angry with me and that He still accepts me. There are so many other people hiding from love just like I was. I think it is mostly that we are all afraid of being vulnerable and admitting we might need someone else to help us. In such a self sufficient and undependable world, I can see why so many people like myself want to stay hidden within themselves. I also remember a really great part of Hide and Seek and that was also the end when we all ran out and yelled "Home Free" without being tagged. I see Jesus holding out His arms and beckoning us all to run into His arms and yell "HOME FREE!!"
Friday, January 11, 2008
Identity Unknown
I really wonder some days about this world that we live in. There are so many people who go through their lives without an identity. I struggle with my own identity. I know I am not a woman who will twirl around and turn into Wonder Woman. I think I am expected to be that some days. I am defending myself with those silver bracelets. People seem to toss out these horrible words at me that I need to defend against with those bracelets. We have a disenchanted youth which has no idea who they are supposed to be. They are so sensationalized to everything around them. It is no big deal to see some person get murdered on screen. It has all become a normal occurrence. There are those who play video games to come up with an identity. They don't live in the real world any more but the world which exists in that realm of thinking. Then there are the women like myself who struggle to stand up to the pressure to be incredibly skinny.
Is it any wonder that most of the celebrities are drinking to subdue the pressure of an unrealistic society? I look at what happened to Britney Spears as such a tragedy and also the result of such high expectations on her. I would hate to live under such a microscope and in front of the cameras. How could you ever find out who you are in all of that? I wonder if any of those celebrities out there know who they really are. I mean I barely know myself and could not even fathom being observed through a fish tank.
I think for myself I have made people's opinions my identity and that backfired big time. Opinions fluctuate so many times and you will never ever please everyone. The only relationship I had that gave me some idea of my identity was with Jesus. He sent people my way and gave me the acceptance I needed to show me who I am. I am still discovering that! It has become a journey which requires patience and a listening heart to discover my true identity. I will never be a superhero but I will live in supernatural thinking.
Is it any wonder that most of the celebrities are drinking to subdue the pressure of an unrealistic society? I look at what happened to Britney Spears as such a tragedy and also the result of such high expectations on her. I would hate to live under such a microscope and in front of the cameras. How could you ever find out who you are in all of that? I wonder if any of those celebrities out there know who they really are. I mean I barely know myself and could not even fathom being observed through a fish tank.
I think for myself I have made people's opinions my identity and that backfired big time. Opinions fluctuate so many times and you will never ever please everyone. The only relationship I had that gave me some idea of my identity was with Jesus. He sent people my way and gave me the acceptance I needed to show me who I am. I am still discovering that! It has become a journey which requires patience and a listening heart to discover my true identity. I will never be a superhero but I will live in supernatural thinking.
Predators At Large?
CNN: Cells, texting give predators secret path to kids
• Story Highlights
• Parents often give cell phones to children as a safety precaution
• Cell phones give predators secrecy and time to groom children for sex
• Recent teacher-student sex abuse claims involve texting and cell phone use
• Experts recommend limiting the features on kids' cell phones
ATLANTA, Georgia (CNN) -- It's happened again. A teacher is accused of having sex with a student and, like many times before, cell phone calls and texting reportedly had a role in sexually abusing a minor.
Teacher Beth Ann Chester faces charges for allegedly having sex with a 14-year-old student.
The same cell phones that parents buy as safety devices for their children are the gadgets that pedophiles and predators use to prep kids for sexual encounters, experts and police say.
The latest case is out of Pennsylvania. Police say a 26-year-old P.E. teacher admitted to having sex with a 14-year-old student in the school's parking lot.
Detectives from the Moon Township Police Department said they found nude pictures of Beth Ann Chester on the teen's cell phone along with text messages.
Chester faces 14 charges, including three counts of sexual abuse of a child and involuntary deviate sexual intercourse. Robert Del Greco, Chester's attorney, declined CNN's request for a comment. His client has a preliminary hearing on January 22.
Before cell phones, laptops and Sidekicks -- a BlackBerry-like device for the younger, hipper crowd -- someone might have noticed that a teacher was "grooming" a child, or being way too attentive, too often.
Not anymore.
Now, teachers have weeks, months and years to secretly undermine a child's parents and get a student to go along with sexual contact.
"The fact is a teacher can show absolutely zero outward signs of interest in a child, but because of technology, they can have an ongoing relationship and no one would know," said Ted Thompson, the executive director for the National Association to Prevent Sexual Abuse of Children.
Parents know chat rooms are dangerous. They warn their kids about the risk, but they give cell phones a nod.
A New York mom, who requested anonymity because her kids don't know about her surveillance, said she uses software to regularly check her children's e-mail and online activity on the home computer.
But she also gave her kids cell phones that have texting and photographic capability. Asked why she doesn't scrutinize the phone the same way she snoops on the computer, she said. "I hadn't really thought about it much."
Detective Joshua Shelton, who works in the crimes against women and children's unit in Fayette County, Georgia, says most parents are like that. He's investigating a case in which a teacher allegedly sent a message to a 14-year-old student's cell phone requesting a nude picture of her.
"Parents don't have the involvement that they should with these electronic devices," Shelton said. "Parents should consider cell phones that have Internet access like a window open into their house, because that's exactly what these people are using it as."
Start platonic, get physical
Betsy Ramsey has spent 20 years working with child and female victims and chairs the DeKalb County Domestic Violence Task Force in Georgia. Stalking of adults and grooming of kids almost always involve using electronic devices these days, she said.
"This is the way people communicate today, particularly young people," she said, "and sometimes, you have teachers who are not that much older, because they are just starting out, and they grew up with text messaging."
Often adults who have their eyes on a child invest time in making them comfortable, police said.
"They groom children," Shelton said. "A lot of the time, these kids mistake the grooming activity for friendship, which is exactly what it's designed to do -- to look like a platonic relationship, when all they are really doing is getting closer and closer to them socially so they can get closer and closer to them physically."
A recent case involves Kelsey Peterson, a 25-year-old Nebraska teacher accused of having sex with a 13-year-old former student. She faces federal charges for allegedly kidnapping the teen and taking him to Mexico to have sex.
An Associated Press reporter, Elliott Spagat, interviewed the boy while he was in Mexico and told CNN about it. The boy recounted being groomed, telling Spagat that Peterson "was his best friend. He was having problems with gangs ... and he said she would lend an ear whenever he needed it," Spagat said. Watch for the boy's side of how the relationship started »
Peterson's lawyer, James Martin David, said that's not what happened and there was no grooming or pursuit by his client.
Peterson has pleaded not guilty to the federal charges, but Martin said, "I would plead her guilty to what she did, which was statutory rape, if they proved his age to me, but they haven't got a certified birth certificate." Davis says the boy and his family were here illegally and had numerous fake documents.
Davis says his client is not a "dirty old woman," and that the victim told him he was older and already had children. "The thing about these teacher-student cases is that these boys are not children. They are teenage males. There is no one more sexually aware than these teenage males," Davis said.
"I'm not saying it's right. It is a crime," Davis said. "But we are not dealing with children. I have 14- and 15-year-olds that are tried as adults when they are defendants, but we want to baby-fy them when it comes to these kinds of cases."
Peterson also faces charges in Lexington, Nebraska. The Lexington complaint against Peterson accuses her of child abuse, kidnapping, delinquency of a minor and two counts of sexual assault of a minor.
She has not been arraigned on the Lexington charges to enter a plea because authorities are working out which case to pursue, Davis said. "They are not going to double try her."
Love letters and vodka
One teacher spent four years building a friendship with a student, authorities said. Troy Mansfield was the third-grade teacher of the little victim with the blond ponytail, said Trooper Robert Norton, of the Pennsylvania State Police.
Mansfield sent her poems via e-mail, and the girl said she felt like she could confide in him. By the time she was in seventh grade, they were comfortable talking about sexual fantasies, and he'd sneak her away from school in his car for an hour of sex, Norton said.
Norton recalled that the child was a few minutes into testifying, when Mansfield needed a recess. "We arranged the e-mails in chronological order. She was on the stand reading hers, and I would read what he wrote to her," Norton said.
"We were about five or six e-mails into it, and his lawyer said that his client needed a recess, that he didn't feel well. He stepped outside of the courtroom, and just outside of the courtroom Troy Mansfield fainted. He pleaded guilty the next day."
Mansfield is serving up to 31 years in jail.
The wooing via text messages, cell phone calls and e-mail is so subtle, so affirming and so indulgent, that by the time a teacher makes inquiries involving nudity, a child probably isn't alarmed, Ramsey said.
"They will be supportive of behavior that the parent would not be supportive of, and the child gets an opportunity to do things that they cannot do at home," Ramsey said. "That is like a teenage dream."
A 14-year-old boy who had sex with 26-year-old Kelly Dalecki of Florida told police as much. Dalecki was a teacher at the same school where his mother taught, and she socialized with his parents.
According to police investigation notes, when the boy was 13, Dalecki gave him her cell phone number and an alias e-mail address. She bought and gave him Mike's Hard Lemonade, cranberry juice with vodka, condoms and marijuana, the documents state.
By the time she started e-mailing porn and illicit messages, he trusted her. "She would ask me if I was a virgin," the boy is quoted by police as saying. And she starting asking him about his interest in knowing about oral sex, police notes state.
The 14-year-old described what happened to him as consensual sexual intercourse, told cops he started to think, "How cool it was a woman her age wants me," and that, "Around me, she tried to act like a teenager, but around my parents, she acted like an adult," his statement to police reads.
Dalecki pleaded no contest to lewd and lascivious battery and was sentenced to 364 days in jail.
Thompson, of the National Association to Prevent Sexual Abuse of Children, said that if parents hope to protect their children, they cannot limit discussions to cover only invasive acts.
"If you think your kids are protected because they know that if they are touched in their private areas or if somebody undresses in front of them or attempts to perform a sexual act that that is the only bad thing, then they are not going to be prepared for the subtle, the grooming piece," Thompson said.
And there's something else Thompson recommends. Limit a cell phone's abilities. Allow it to make and accept calls to and from parents and 911 only.
• "I know the societal pressure is for parents to get their kids the latest phone with all the gadgets that are out there," Thompson said, "but more important than complying with all the societal pressures is protecting your child.”
I can't believe this is happening in today's world.
• Story Highlights
• Parents often give cell phones to children as a safety precaution
• Cell phones give predators secrecy and time to groom children for sex
• Recent teacher-student sex abuse claims involve texting and cell phone use
• Experts recommend limiting the features on kids' cell phones
ATLANTA, Georgia (CNN) -- It's happened again. A teacher is accused of having sex with a student and, like many times before, cell phone calls and texting reportedly had a role in sexually abusing a minor.
Teacher Beth Ann Chester faces charges for allegedly having sex with a 14-year-old student.
The same cell phones that parents buy as safety devices for their children are the gadgets that pedophiles and predators use to prep kids for sexual encounters, experts and police say.
The latest case is out of Pennsylvania. Police say a 26-year-old P.E. teacher admitted to having sex with a 14-year-old student in the school's parking lot.
Detectives from the Moon Township Police Department said they found nude pictures of Beth Ann Chester on the teen's cell phone along with text messages.
Chester faces 14 charges, including three counts of sexual abuse of a child and involuntary deviate sexual intercourse. Robert Del Greco, Chester's attorney, declined CNN's request for a comment. His client has a preliminary hearing on January 22.
Before cell phones, laptops and Sidekicks -- a BlackBerry-like device for the younger, hipper crowd -- someone might have noticed that a teacher was "grooming" a child, or being way too attentive, too often.
Not anymore.
Now, teachers have weeks, months and years to secretly undermine a child's parents and get a student to go along with sexual contact.
"The fact is a teacher can show absolutely zero outward signs of interest in a child, but because of technology, they can have an ongoing relationship and no one would know," said Ted Thompson, the executive director for the National Association to Prevent Sexual Abuse of Children.
Parents know chat rooms are dangerous. They warn their kids about the risk, but they give cell phones a nod.
A New York mom, who requested anonymity because her kids don't know about her surveillance, said she uses software to regularly check her children's e-mail and online activity on the home computer.
But she also gave her kids cell phones that have texting and photographic capability. Asked why she doesn't scrutinize the phone the same way she snoops on the computer, she said. "I hadn't really thought about it much."
Detective Joshua Shelton, who works in the crimes against women and children's unit in Fayette County, Georgia, says most parents are like that. He's investigating a case in which a teacher allegedly sent a message to a 14-year-old student's cell phone requesting a nude picture of her.
"Parents don't have the involvement that they should with these electronic devices," Shelton said. "Parents should consider cell phones that have Internet access like a window open into their house, because that's exactly what these people are using it as."
Start platonic, get physical
Betsy Ramsey has spent 20 years working with child and female victims and chairs the DeKalb County Domestic Violence Task Force in Georgia. Stalking of adults and grooming of kids almost always involve using electronic devices these days, she said.
"This is the way people communicate today, particularly young people," she said, "and sometimes, you have teachers who are not that much older, because they are just starting out, and they grew up with text messaging."
Often adults who have their eyes on a child invest time in making them comfortable, police said.
"They groom children," Shelton said. "A lot of the time, these kids mistake the grooming activity for friendship, which is exactly what it's designed to do -- to look like a platonic relationship, when all they are really doing is getting closer and closer to them socially so they can get closer and closer to them physically."
A recent case involves Kelsey Peterson, a 25-year-old Nebraska teacher accused of having sex with a 13-year-old former student. She faces federal charges for allegedly kidnapping the teen and taking him to Mexico to have sex.
An Associated Press reporter, Elliott Spagat, interviewed the boy while he was in Mexico and told CNN about it. The boy recounted being groomed, telling Spagat that Peterson "was his best friend. He was having problems with gangs ... and he said she would lend an ear whenever he needed it," Spagat said. Watch for the boy's side of how the relationship started »
Peterson's lawyer, James Martin David, said that's not what happened and there was no grooming or pursuit by his client.
Peterson has pleaded not guilty to the federal charges, but Martin said, "I would plead her guilty to what she did, which was statutory rape, if they proved his age to me, but they haven't got a certified birth certificate." Davis says the boy and his family were here illegally and had numerous fake documents.
Davis says his client is not a "dirty old woman," and that the victim told him he was older and already had children. "The thing about these teacher-student cases is that these boys are not children. They are teenage males. There is no one more sexually aware than these teenage males," Davis said.
"I'm not saying it's right. It is a crime," Davis said. "But we are not dealing with children. I have 14- and 15-year-olds that are tried as adults when they are defendants, but we want to baby-fy them when it comes to these kinds of cases."
Peterson also faces charges in Lexington, Nebraska. The Lexington complaint against Peterson accuses her of child abuse, kidnapping, delinquency of a minor and two counts of sexual assault of a minor.
She has not been arraigned on the Lexington charges to enter a plea because authorities are working out which case to pursue, Davis said. "They are not going to double try her."
Love letters and vodka
One teacher spent four years building a friendship with a student, authorities said. Troy Mansfield was the third-grade teacher of the little victim with the blond ponytail, said Trooper Robert Norton, of the Pennsylvania State Police.
Mansfield sent her poems via e-mail, and the girl said she felt like she could confide in him. By the time she was in seventh grade, they were comfortable talking about sexual fantasies, and he'd sneak her away from school in his car for an hour of sex, Norton said.
Norton recalled that the child was a few minutes into testifying, when Mansfield needed a recess. "We arranged the e-mails in chronological order. She was on the stand reading hers, and I would read what he wrote to her," Norton said.
"We were about five or six e-mails into it, and his lawyer said that his client needed a recess, that he didn't feel well. He stepped outside of the courtroom, and just outside of the courtroom Troy Mansfield fainted. He pleaded guilty the next day."
Mansfield is serving up to 31 years in jail.
The wooing via text messages, cell phone calls and e-mail is so subtle, so affirming and so indulgent, that by the time a teacher makes inquiries involving nudity, a child probably isn't alarmed, Ramsey said.
"They will be supportive of behavior that the parent would not be supportive of, and the child gets an opportunity to do things that they cannot do at home," Ramsey said. "That is like a teenage dream."
A 14-year-old boy who had sex with 26-year-old Kelly Dalecki of Florida told police as much. Dalecki was a teacher at the same school where his mother taught, and she socialized with his parents.
According to police investigation notes, when the boy was 13, Dalecki gave him her cell phone number and an alias e-mail address. She bought and gave him Mike's Hard Lemonade, cranberry juice with vodka, condoms and marijuana, the documents state.
By the time she started e-mailing porn and illicit messages, he trusted her. "She would ask me if I was a virgin," the boy is quoted by police as saying. And she starting asking him about his interest in knowing about oral sex, police notes state.
The 14-year-old described what happened to him as consensual sexual intercourse, told cops he started to think, "How cool it was a woman her age wants me," and that, "Around me, she tried to act like a teenager, but around my parents, she acted like an adult," his statement to police reads.
Dalecki pleaded no contest to lewd and lascivious battery and was sentenced to 364 days in jail.
Thompson, of the National Association to Prevent Sexual Abuse of Children, said that if parents hope to protect their children, they cannot limit discussions to cover only invasive acts.
"If you think your kids are protected because they know that if they are touched in their private areas or if somebody undresses in front of them or attempts to perform a sexual act that that is the only bad thing, then they are not going to be prepared for the subtle, the grooming piece," Thompson said.
And there's something else Thompson recommends. Limit a cell phone's abilities. Allow it to make and accept calls to and from parents and 911 only.
• "I know the societal pressure is for parents to get their kids the latest phone with all the gadgets that are out there," Thompson said, "but more important than complying with all the societal pressures is protecting your child.”
I can't believe this is happening in today's world.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Being Cold
I often wonder why people have to be so cold in the world. There is this air of self confidence and self sufficiency that baffles me. We were made to depend on each other and care for each other. Yet, there isn't that sense that anyone really needs anyone anymore. People are finding solace in watching TV, movies, video games, text messaging, cell phones and online entertainment. I long for the days when people needed each other and spent quality time with each other. We seem to be a society of instant this or that. If it doesn't happen fast enough for us, we just move on. Divorce rates are soaring and there isn't any communication between people any more. There is a state of being busy and lonely all at the same time. Noone wants to admit there is a deep seated need inside themselves for relationship with another person. Oh, there still exists the need for sex and that is most always equated to love. I think that relationships have become an obligation to one another as opposed to spending time getting to know that person. I think we have become too high powered and fast paced that we can't even keep up with ourselves anymore. A way to observe the world is to watch people in traffic. IT is when people slow down that they realize how lonely and in need of each other and relationship they really are. I think that is why people don't want to slow down because the merry go around keeps them in a state of ignorance. I live in a climate that is cold most of the time as far as weather is concerned. The funny thing is that the seasons may change, but the coldness in people still exists. I hope we can change that before we become permanently frozen.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Is Authenticity Worth it?
How do we know what is true any more in this world? There are times I cannot recognize what is real from what is false. There are so many people today who have had plastic surgery and it is hard to tell who is real anymore. That is what I look for. I look for those people who are real and who don't hide behind facades. I find it hard in such a society of surreal thinking to get beyond this to what is real. I grew up watching TV and movies and to live in an existence of these things. It is hard to come to realize that isn't real. I think today it is easier to hide behind lies and to run from the truth. There isn't a real authentic actor out there. That is actually an oxy moron. I think alot of people are these actors who try to be authentic but don't know who they are to begin with. I find that to discover truth, you first have to know what the lies are and who you are. A liar isn't as easy to spot now a days. I find people can easily look you in the eye and lie to you because don't know what truth is anymore. It is actually hard to face the truth alot of times. I mean if you believed something most of your life and then found out it was a lie, what would you do? It would actually feel strange and uncomfortable. I have learned that being truthful can mean going against the grain. What is authenticity? The only authentic person who I believe existed was Jesus. Has he been the only one? Nope. There have been many who followed him but it is because of Him that this authenticity exists in any of us. Does being real=authentic? I would hope it does! Then again, being real may mean something to one person and something completely different to another person. I think that to be authentic, you need to get beyond the comfort levels of who you are in other people's eyes. I would have to be challenged to open up and let down my guard. I am still learning to do this, myself. I am sometimes received well when I do that and other times thought of as an alien. I have learned that authenticity is an alien concept today. I think that it will become more and more alien as time goes by. I think deep down everyone wants this but aren't able to risk enough to get it. There are trust issues here. I think there is always an air of paranoia and suspicion with someone telling the truth. I think that being authentic is well worth the risk. I hope I can find people who value that concept as well.
Challenging Peace
Can there ever been a state of peace in our minds and hearts? I believe there is such a state and it is well worth it. I truly believe true peace only comes when we seek God with all our hearts. I had been afraid of peace my whole life. The reason being that I felt like I didn't deserve it. I always waited for the other shoe to fall. I found out that true peace cannot be interrupted no matter what I am going through. I am being challenged to keep that peace in my life. At this time in my life, I am fighting the impulse to freak out and get worried. I have every reason to feel this way. Then, I realized that God is handling all the problems in my life. After I lost my mother, I realized that God saw me through it all. He kept my heart in perfect peace because I stayed steadfast on Jesus. It wasn't easy. I have many questions about how God is going to work everything out in my life. There are so many questions about where I am right now. 2007 was such a hard year and now 2008 looks like it may be the same. I am learning that it is in the hard times that I am faced with growth in my faith and patience. Peace doesn't mean there aren't any problems in my life. It just means that despite everything, God is there calming me in those struggles. It is so beautiful to believe in God enough to let this peace flow to me. I am giving this year and my life to God despite my struggles. I hope it stays that way.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
The Cost of Freedom?
I would like to know what the true cost of freedom is? There are the soldiers who fight so hard in Iraq for freedom. I would really like to know if we understand the price that is paid. I think about it and wonder if I spent time with the soldiers down there, if I might understand the cost. Soldiers leave their families and their comforts behind just to fight for a cause that they believe in. They believe in it so strongly that they will pay it with the price of their lives. Freedom is a very worthy cause to fight for. I wonder sometimes how come we as christians don't fight harder for that cause ourselves. I mean we are in a "spiritual battle" ourselves. Yet, alot of times we are losing the war because we don't believe in freedom. DO we truly believe that Christ can set us free from all our bondage or are we just fooling ourselves? I have seen so many christians, myself included stay in their own bondage to sin because they just don't want to fight anymore. Yet, we need to keep fighting because that is what Christ did on the cross for us. He gave his life to win the battle of the world for us. He finally freed us from our enemy and triumphed over death at the cross. Yet, I find myself putting down my sword so often instead of picking it up and fighting. The cause is worthwhile. Freedom from bondage to sin is worth it. Do I believe in that cause enough?
Monday, January 7, 2008
What is hate? Is there meaning in hatred?
I wondered that today as I crossed many people. There have been a few people who have crossed my path whom I am very close to hating. I have one friend in my mind who lied to me severely. She told me she was my friend and then began her little escapade. Trust is something I am still learning about. I lost someone close to me not too long ago. It left me vulnerable. Then this person came along and pretended to try and help me through that. Don't you hate false empathy? I have never felt so lied to in the moment. She and I prayed together and then she told me how she saw these wondrous signs from above for me. Oh, how clever!! Then, as I got suckered into all this, I began to believe it would all come true. Anyways, a year later, I am bruised and battered and now realizing she was all a hoax. She was using me to rope some guy who she thought was her salvation. Funny, she is married to this guy now and miserable. I want to hate her for getting the miserable thing she wanted and for coercing me to believe that this was from God. I can't believe it! So, can we hate sometimes? I know I do. If I deny it, it doesn't matter, it still exists in me. Hate is the converse of love. We can hate so we have the capacity to love. Is this not true?
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