This is such a hard endeavor! What happens if all you thought was real isn't? What if all you knew was a dream? That is what happens to some people after years of being asleep. It almost feels like a person is sleep walking. After years of being in a trance like state, an awareness hits a person that things aren't as they seem. There is regret and then asking and hoping there will be redemption in all of it.
It isn't a great feeling. I am having that feeling today. I realized I had been living in a state of a dream. It seems like all I knew isn't as it seems. I feel like that kid in school who thought everybody told her the truth and finding out it was all lies as a joke. How do I react after all this slumber? I have deep regret and a feeling like I should have seen this somehow. I do realize that Satan is a big deceiver and he covers the eyes of those who he wants to stay ignorant of his plans. He definately had me fooled. I think that the way I fell asleep was by accepting that things were a part of my dream and life's struggles paralyzed me so I didn't act or change these things in my life. I got caught in a kind of domino effect where one thing crumbled after another and I had no idea what was happening. I feel really foolish and stupid but relieved to know that there is still hope.
I think the way I realized this was by realizing something wasn't quite right and it raised red flags. I had believed that an actor in Hollywood was something that he actually wasn't. It became evident that my naive belief in things about this actor gave way for me to ask questions of a friend. This friend actually knew this actor and discussed what their personal life was actually like. I was shocked to hear that I had been so wrong about them. I fell into the trap that they were pristine and a romantic hero like the parts he played in his movies. The thing that was hard for me to swallow was that he was human and fallable. The things I found out made my stomach turn and made me dislike him alot. It was through this that I realized my sleepy attitude towards other things in my life. I had realized that seeing this in this actor's life made me aware that I had expected the world from yet another person who let me down. I realized the problem was that I couldn't live with him being flawed. The problem was that I expected him along with me to never let me down and he let me down and I let myself down. At that moment, I let go of the very expectations that kept me asleep and woke up and faced the pain inside of me. I guess it was like being awakened by a nightmare that really made me think and reflect about its meaning.
I am glad to be awake now. I am glad that even if I am in a deep sleep, Jesus can awake me so I can face the world with all its flawed design.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment