Love Gone Cold

Today is one of those days when my love has gone cold. This world is so full of pain and hurt. What is the use? Some days I wish I could just jump off the side of the earth and be done with it. People continue being cruel to one another. People continue lieing to each other. It just never stops. Is there any hope at all?

I have a delusional father who thinks he can be an author. He thinks his book will make it on the best seller list. I have a father who his whole life has been spent hurting other people and killing the spirits of others especially his wife and kids. He feels he deserves a chance for redemption. He feels he has earned everyone's forgiveness. We should just overlook his painful and cruel remarks and just look past it all. Well, today I am done associating with him. I am done helping him. I am done being desensitized to his garbage and treatment of me. I am changing my name and no longer associating with this barbarian. He refuses to change and frankly I don't care anymore. He can have all the fame and fortune in the world, because he lost me as his daughter today. He has killed my spirit for the last time. I have put up with his shit all of my life and I am no longer putting up with any more. As of this moment, I am no longer his daughter and will have no association with him. It makes no sense that I would have a mother who strived her whole life for this man who is a cement block of pain and unyielding love. I don't need him anymore and I don't want anything from him. He can have no more of my love any more. This person isn't my father as far as I am concerned. He is a stranger that somehow became more of a stranger with each passing day. This ashole isn't worthy of my time or energy. He cares nothing for any of us and never will. I am tired of living in a dream that he will change. The next move will be to move far away from him. I don't want my love to grow bitter and colder any more. He strung us all along for too long. He can have his kingdom of isolation. There will be none of us celebrating his hollow and empty victories. They all carry too high a price to pay for any of us.

Today my love is cold but tomorrow is a new day full of hope and renewal.