Tuesday, February 26, 2008

America's Unfaithful Faithful

Church religion pews churchgoers
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A major new survey presents perhaps the most detailed picture we've yet had of which religious groups Americans belong to. And its big message is: blink and they'll change. For the first time, a large-scale study has quantified what many experts suspect: there is a constant membership turnover among most American faiths. America's religious culture, which is best known for its high participation rates, may now be equally famous (or infamous) for what the new report dubs "churn."

The report, released today by the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life, is the first selection of data from a 35,000- person poll called the U.S. Religious Landscape Survey. Says Pew Forum director Luis Lugo, Americans "not only change jobs, change where they live, and change spouses, but they change religions too. We totally knew it was happening, but this survey enabled us to document it clearly."

According to Pew, 28% of American adults have left the faith of their childhood for another one. And that does not even include those who switched from one Protestant denomination to another; if it did, the number would jump to 44%. Says Greg Smith, one of the main researchers for the "Landscape" data, churn applies across the board. "There's no group that is simply winning or simply losing," he says. "Nothing is static. Every group is simultaneously winning and losing."

For some groups, their relatively steady number of adherents over the years hides a remarkable amount of coming and going. Simply counting Catholics since 1972, for example, you would get the impression that its population had remained fairly static — at about 25% of adult Americans (the current number is 23.9%). But the Pew report shows that of all those raised Catholic, a third have left the church. (That means that roughly one out of every 10 people in America is a former Catholic, and that ex-Catholics are almost as numerous as the America's second biggest religious group, Southern Baptists.) But Catholicism has made up for the losses by adding converts (2.6% of the population) and, more significantly, enjoying an influx of new immigrants, mostly Hispanic.

An even more extreme example of what might be called "masked churn" is the relatively tiny Jehovah's Witnesses, with a turnover rate of about two-thirds. That means that two-thirds of the people who told Pew they were raised Jehovah's Witnesses no longer are — yet the group attracts roughly the same number of converts. Notes Lugo, "No wonder they have to keep on knocking on doors."

The single biggest "winner," in terms of number gained versus number lost, was not a religious group at all, but the "unaffiliated" category. About 16% of those polled defined their religious affiliation that way (including people who regarded themselves as religious, along with atheists and agnostics); only 7% had been brought up that way. That's an impressive gain, but Lugo points out that churn is everywhere: even the unaffiliated group lost 50% of its original membership to one church or another.

The report does not speculate on the implications of its data. But Lugo suggests, "What it says is that this marketplace is highly competitive and that no one can sit on their laurels, because another group out there will make [its tenets] available" for potential converts to try out. While this dynamic "may be partly responsible for the religious vitality of the American people," he says, "it also suggests that there is an institutional loosening of ties," with less individual commitment to a given faith or denomination.

Lugo would not speculate on whether such a buyer's market might cause some groups to dilute their particular beliefs in order to compete. There are signs of that in such surveys as one done by the Willow Creek megachurch outside Chicago, which has been extremely successful in attracting tens of thousands of religious "seekers." An internal survey recently indicated much of its membership was "stalled" in their spiritual growth, Lugo allowed that "it does raise the question of, once you attract these folks, how do you root them within your own particular tradition when people are changing so quickly."

The Pew report has other interesting findings; the highest rates for marrying within one's own faith, for example, are among Hindus (90%) and Mormons (83%). The full report is accessible at the Pew Forum site.

Youssif rubs face with hands, says 'no hurt'


By Wayne Drash and Atia Abawi
CNN

Editor's note: CNN agreed not to use the full names of the family in this article due to concern for their safety.
art.youssif.cnn.jpg

Youssif is able to smile again, and his scars are healing well. Doctors are monitoring the swelling on his right ear.

WOODLAND HILLS, California (CNN) -- Youssif happily pulls off his plastic face mask and pats his cheeks, which were once covered by horrific burns.

"No hurt," the 5-year-old Iraqi boy says in English. "No hurt."

He then shows off his right hand. It too had been marred by hardened scar tissue after he was attacked by masked men outside his central Baghdad home January 15, 2007. Now, his hand is smooth.

Youssif flashes a proud grin.

A few moments later, he darts off and comes back toting his kindergarten portfolio. In less than a month of schooling, he's now writing the alphabet in upper- and lowercase. Photo See photos of a transformed Youssif »

He reads a book, repeating each word after the narrator. When he gets to the word "you," he gets tickled. He points at the name "Youssif" and then covers the final four letters.

"You," he says.

Youssif began attending an American school just last month, one year to the day after he was so savagely attacked in Baghdad. In a recent letter to those who have helped his son, Youssif's father described the anniversary as a "very hard day" to endure but one that also brought joy.

"But this year, it was the day for another miracle, Youssif's first day of kindergarten. It was a very happy day," Youssif's father said.

Youssif begins each day with his father strapping him into a bike trailer. Dad then pedals him to school.

On one recent outing, his dad's mobile phone blared Arabic music as Youssif quietly sat in the back, a helmet securely strapped to his head, the wind whirling past.

As soon as they reached the school, Youssif's slow walk away from his father, his head held down, quickly changed into a sprint toward his classroom, and all you could see was the big red "S" on his Superman backpack flying away.

"Harry," Youssif says in a small, muffled tone, reading the writing on the dry-erase board after receiving a little help from some classmates seated on the rug. Video Watch Youssif-inspired music video »


Youssif is adjusting well to school, able to write out the alphabet and count to 12 without hesitation. He always finishes with an accomplished sigh, wide eyes and a smile so big, it's as if he is making up for the 10 months he was not able to smile.

He is quick to show the pencil box on his desk, pointing to his name written on it and then pointing to himself with the same tiny finger and nodding his head, letting you know that it is his.

"The kids love Youssif. They get more excited than he does when he learns a new word in English, and they brag about it for hours," the mother of a classmate says.

Youssif is attending the school thanks to help from the Children's Burn Foundation, the Grossman Burn Center and hundreds of thousands of dollars donated by you, the CNN.com user, to help bring him and his family to the United States for treatment.

Youssif has undergone more than half a dozen surgeries. One removed the most massive scarring, which stretched about half a foot, from one of his ears to below his chin. See how doctors removed Youssif's scars »

He could undergo as many as 12 more procedures, his doctors say, mostly to tweak scars. His right ear has swelled, and doctors are monitoring it to figure out the best way to keep it in check. He wears a clear plastic face mask for much of the day to keep his skin tight and to allow it to heal correctly.

But the young boy's transformation -- both in looks and in spirit -- is nothing short of remarkable.

Back at his apartment, Youssif peels a clementine. He uses exaggerated motions as he plops each section in his mouth. At one point, he places his hand on his hip and taps his foot, waiting for an acknowledgment of this feat.

When he came to America in September, he couldn't eat -- or at least not like this. He smiles again.

Now, Youssif eats anything he wants, because he can open and close his mouth," his father said in the letter. "I have begun to see my son's lively spirit return. The surgeries have removed more than just external scars, they are also beginning to remove his internal scars.

"A few weeks ago we went to the park and Youssif rode on the merry-go-round. Every time he passed by, he shrieked and laughed and waved wildly to me. I thought my heart would burst with happiness." E-mail to a friend E-mail to a friend

Truly Wanting to Survive and Live

There have been days that have gone by in which I have not wanted to live. I have wished that I would disappear and no longer exist. It is funny how one incident can change my feelings about that. Two nights ago, I was almost broken into at my house.

That one incident, sparked alot of feelings inside of me. I was angry that someone would try to violate my personal space and home. I fought back and wouldn't let them in! I yelled at them to leave. I then caught a glimpse of them leaving. They had tried to pick my lock and God protected me enough that they didn't get in. It was a small thing but it felt like my whole world of safety was invaded. I can't imagine what would have happened if they had made it into my house. It was at that moment that fear gripped me to the core. Even after they had gone, I was scared that they were hiding somewhere waiting for me to open the door so they could jump me. I called 911 and the police arrived within 15 minutes. I was assured that help was around for me. It never dawned on me that this could happen to me! It was also then that I realized that I wanted to fight to live. They can have my stuff but I wanted to live!

It is that instinct in all of us that we all want to live! I know that fear grips us to the core when we face things like this but truly our instinct is to survive somehow. I learned alot from this one incident. I am still afraid that someone will break in and sleep with the lights on even now. Some other things I realized were things like God was protecting me in it all. I realized that adrenaline goes into play when things like this happen. Things I thought I would incapable of doing, I was capable of doing. I realized that life is a gift and it can be taken in an instant. I guess some of the things I get worked up about, aren't worth it because things can always be worse. I hope if I ever feel life is too boring for me, I will remember this time which is more than I bargained for.

Life is truly worth living out each opportunity and moment. It is easy to voice this but yet another one to live this out. I am going to try to do this for a change!

Sunday, February 24, 2008

No Fear- The Rasmus



"No Fear"

Girl,
You lived your life like a sleeping swan
Your time has come
To go deeper

Girl,
Your final journey has just begun
Your destiny chose the reaper

No Fear
Destination Darkness
No Fear
Destination Darkness
No Fear

Girl
The rain falls down from the northern skies
Like poisoned knives
With no mercy

Girl
Close your eyes for the one last time
Sleepless nights
From here to eternity

No Fear
Destination Darkness
No Fear
Destination Darkness
No Fear

In the Shadows- The Rasmus



No sleep
No sleep until I am done with finding the answer
Won't stop
Won't stop before I find a cure for this cancer
Sometimes
I feel I going down and so disconnected
Somehow
I know that I am haunted to be wanted
I've been watching
I've been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I've been searching
I've been living
For tomorrows all my life
In the shadows
In the shadows
They say
That i must learn to kill before i can feel safe
But I
I rather kill myself then turn into their slave
Sometimes
I feel that I should go and play with the thunder
Somehow
I just don't wanna stay and wait for a wonder
I've been watching
I've been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I've been searching
I've been living
For tomorrows all my life
Lately I been walking walking in circles, watching waiting for something
Feel me touch me heal me, come take me higher
I've been watching
I've been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I've been searching
I've been living
For tomorrows all my life
I've been watching
I've been waiting
I've been searching
I've been living for tomorrows
In the shadows
In the shadows
I've been waiting

Saturday, February 23, 2008

The Cost Paid For Our Sins




Lyrics | Secret Ambition lyrics

Something Just Occurred to Me

Life is funny sometimes. I thought I had a good handle on things. Then today I realized something I had never thought of before. I had realized that I can be really stubborn and very arrogant in the ways I think about people. I grew up in a town where the people were so self righteous and boldly looked down their noses at me. My family was poor and so we were the ones that people seemed to like to pick at. I hated that treatment and I vowed somehow I didn't want to be that way. Guess what, I am here today confessing that I turned out like that anyways. People used to look down their noses at others who drank or danced or swore or did the most unspeakable things according to them. I realized that is what sin is isn't it? It is doing the most unspeakable things imaginable. I think I grew up thanking God I wasn't a drunk or a prostitute or on drugs. I realized today what all that means to God. It means I am a liar because I am all those things and more. I need to be more like the Tax Collector who pounded on his chest and cried out to God to have mercy on him because he is a sinner. When, I say that I am not a sinner, that is when God has every right to deal with me to remind me that yes I am. I am being delusional and arrogant.

I guess there are these common misconceptions I grew up with that made some sins more justifiable than others. Guess what? Sin is sin! Am I better because all I have ever done are the common lies or dishonesty or gossiping not the more horrible unacceptable sins like homosexuality, murder, or promiscuity. Not at all! God doesn't give us these levels of sins so that maybe just maybe he will excuse those "little" sinners and make the "big" sinners pay for it all. I realized today that I was the one who put Jesus on the cross. I may have not been there physically in history but I was responsible just like all of us are. God sent Jesus to die to pay the debt for all our sins. It blows my mind to accept such a gracious, merciful, loving and totally undeserved gift from God. I wasn't born when this all happened and many others weren't either but it was if time stood still and all of us were crying out for Jesus to be crucified and spitting on him and picking up the hammer to nail his pure and unblemished flesh to the cross. I now realize that because of Jesus and what I did and made Him do for me, I have no excuse but to forgive others no matter what they have done because He died for them too. It is a redemption of all of that which is totally possible in Christ alone. I know I have screwed up so many times and He keeps taking me back though I know He could easily say "no more." I realize today just exactly what Jesus did for me. I have no right to judge anyone because Jesus knows I am all those sins and more. I don't think I realize what I am capable of but God sure knows. I know now that Jesus is the only way to God. It was the highest just payment ever. Noone else could have done it but Jesus. I love Him for that. I just wonder how many times I slammed the door of heaven on someone because I thought a person didn't deserve Jesus. We all don't deserve Him. He gave of Himself fully and wholly so all of us could live. I'm so sorry Jesus that I never realized this before!

"I was a perjurer, a blasphemer, an injurious person"-no matter how men may treat me, they will never treat me with the spite and hatred with which I treated Jesus Christ! When we realize that Jesus Christ has served us to the end of our meanness, our selfishness and sin, nothing that we meet with from anyone can exhaust our determination to serve men for his sake. (My Utmost for His Highest-Oswald Chambers) That is the truth that hit close to my heart today. I therefore have no right to judge. Only God has that right! When I judge, I am playing God with other people's lives. I do not have that right no matter who I think I am. God knows me best!

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Husband guilty of murder in 'letter from grave' case

By Ann O'Neill
CNN

(CNN) -- A jury in Wisconsin found Mark Jensen guilty of first-degree murder Thursday in the 1998 poisoning death of his wife following a trial that included the slain woman's haunting letter from the grave.

art.mark.jensen.ap.jpg

Mark Jensen has been on trial in the 1998 antifreeze poisoning death of his wife, Julie.

The jury deliberated for more than 30 hours over three days.

Jensen's bail was immediately revoked. Attorneys will return to court Friday to set a date for sentencing.

The conviction carries a mandatory life prison sentence. Whether Jensen may some day be eligible for parole will be decided at the sentencing hearing.

The jury's verdict came nearly a decade after Julie Jensen was found dead in her bed. The cause of death: Poisoning by ethylene glycol, the main ingredient in antifreeze.

Julie Jensen, the victim, had given a neighbor a letter pointing an accusing finger at her husband should anything happen to her.

She also made foreboding comments to police and to her son's teacher, saying she suspected that her husband was trying to kill her.

Her letter, read aloud in court, said in part: "I pray I'm wrong + nothing happens ... but I am suspicious of Mark's suspicious behaviors + fear for my early demise," the letter says. " Read the letter »

After the verdict, jurors told reporters that the letter gave them "a clear road map" to conviction, as one female juror phrased it.

Mark Jensen, 48, was charged in 2002 with first-degree murder in the December 1998 death of his 40-year-old wife.

Prosecutors alleged that Jensen was having an affair and poisoned his wife so he could be free of her. The defense says Julie Jensen was despondent about the affair, killed herself and tried to frame her husband.

The testimony during the six-week trial has been dramatic. It included evidence of his-and-hers flings, X-rated e-mail exchanges and Internet searches for poisons. Prosecutors also presented testimony from Jensen's new wife, Kelly, and from a jailhouse snitch who said Jensen had made incriminating remarks behind bars.

The drama lasted up to the final moment of testimony, when a prosecution forensics expert dipped her fingers into a Styrofoam cup of antifreeze, tasted it and described the flavor as "sweet."

Jensen did not take the stand, and his defense relied primarily on testimony from forensic and mental health experts.

Legal wrangling over the letter and Julie Jensen's statements delayed the trial for years.

Using such evidence in court has for years been blocked by strict hearsay rules giving criminal defendants the right to confront their accusers.

But the Wisconsin Supreme Court, guided by a U.S. Supreme Court ruling, created a hearsay exception that permitted the use of Julie Jensen's letter and statements as a dying declaration -- evidence of her state of mind at the time of her death.

For years, authorities said Julie Jensen had died of multiple doses of ethylene glycol, commonly used as antifreeze. But testimony during the trial also indicated that she might have been smothered with her pillow.

Inmate Aaron Dilliard, an admitted con man, testified that Mark Jensen indicated to him that he suffocated his wife when the poison did not appear to be working fast enough.

Dillard testified that Jensen said he sat on Julie's back and pushed her face into the pillow. Crime scene photos show Julie's nose and mouth pushed to the left side. Her face was found deep in the pillow, according to testimony.

Another inmate, bank robber David Thompson, testified that Jensen told him last year that he killed his wife and asked him to help kidnap and "sit on" a witness until after the trial.

The conversation was overheard by a third inmate, Bernard Bush. Bush said he heard a total figure of $100,000 being discussed, with $50,000 up front and $50,000 at the completion of the abduction.

The would-be target was Ed Klug, Jensen's former co-worker. He testified that Jensen told him he thought about poisoning his wife. During a night of drinking in November 1998, Klug said, Jensen revealed that he was researching ways to do away with her.

Prosecutor Robert Jambois called experts who say they found evidence of suffocation. The defense experts disagreed.

Defense attorney Craig Albee called his own poison expert to say Julie Jensen could have taken repeated doses of poison herself, contradicting the prosecution's poison expert.

The defense also called to the stand the Jensen family doctor, who said he saw Julie Jensen a few days before her death and who described her as depressed and frantic. E-mail to a friend E-mail to a friend

Angels-Within Temptation


Song lyrics | Angels lyrics

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Within Temptation

Dancing with the Devil

Realizing How Thankful I Can Be

I came to grips with alot of kindnesses that people have done today. I have an amazing Therapist who listens to all my problems and seems to know just the right thing to calm the drama in my life. I often don't realize how selfish I sound sometimes. I complain how people don't understand me or how people are mistreating me. I then realize that I am then beginning to sound like the world is revolving around me again.

I get a prayer alert from Voice of the Martyrs which always reminds me of how thankful I should be in my life. There are stories of people getting shot and abused because they are standing strong in their belief of Jesus. In these countries, government leaders have created such laws that stop people from having the freedom to worship and believe. I realize after reading these stories that if I have this much time to reflect on my life so deeply, maybe I am just being really selfish. These people are not sitting meditatively and reflecting on their problems but actually going out and helping others and living in faith. I think my biggest problem is fear. I am afraid that people will think less of me or that I won't please everyone. I think today I realized that is my biggest problem. I take too much of this to heart instead of just being. These people don't give a second thought to living for Jesus. They do it and face the consequences with his love behind and before them. I often wonder what my life would be like if I faced the opposition they do. How would I be living? Would I be as bold as they are or just be wishy washy and afraid? God has truly given everything we need and we don't need to be afraid. I know that is what I need to realize. I feel so much like Peter out on the water and Jesus is beckoning to me to come out of the boat and meet him. I just feel like the water is almost encompassing me.

Also, today my trainer at the gym taught me a truth or two about letting things go. She has taught me that working myself up about the small things is not worth it. That blinds me from being thankful too. I have this awesome brother who also taught me alot about being thankful. He is helping me in this time of need in my life. I realized that he truly gives me hope in that there may be redemption in this family I was raised in. I am also thankful for an Aunt and Uncle who have helped me in times of need as well. Whenever I feel like the world is caving in on me, I am reminded that there is alot to be thankful for. I just need to never take that for granted. I never know when those blessings could be taken from life and I know I would be left with a huge gap in my life. God, help me always be truly thankful.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Waking Up After A Long Sleep

This is such a hard endeavor! What happens if all you thought was real isn't? What if all you knew was a dream? That is what happens to some people after years of being asleep. It almost feels like a person is sleep walking. After years of being in a trance like state, an awareness hits a person that things aren't as they seem. There is regret and then asking and hoping there will be redemption in all of it.

It isn't a great feeling. I am having that feeling today. I realized I had been living in a state of a dream. It seems like all I knew isn't as it seems. I feel like that kid in school who thought everybody told her the truth and finding out it was all lies as a joke. How do I react after all this slumber? I have deep regret and a feeling like I should have seen this somehow. I do realize that Satan is a big deceiver and he covers the eyes of those who he wants to stay ignorant of his plans. He definately had me fooled. I think that the way I fell asleep was by accepting that things were a part of my dream and life's struggles paralyzed me so I didn't act or change these things in my life. I got caught in a kind of domino effect where one thing crumbled after another and I had no idea what was happening. I feel really foolish and stupid but relieved to know that there is still hope.

I think the way I realized this was by realizing something wasn't quite right and it raised red flags. I had believed that an actor in Hollywood was something that he actually wasn't. It became evident that my naive belief in things about this actor gave way for me to ask questions of a friend. This friend actually knew this actor and discussed what their personal life was actually like. I was shocked to hear that I had been so wrong about them. I fell into the trap that they were pristine and a romantic hero like the parts he played in his movies. The thing that was hard for me to swallow was that he was human and fallable. The things I found out made my stomach turn and made me dislike him alot. It was through this that I realized my sleepy attitude towards other things in my life. I had realized that seeing this in this actor's life made me aware that I had expected the world from yet another person who let me down. I realized the problem was that I couldn't live with him being flawed. The problem was that I expected him along with me to never let me down and he let me down and I let myself down. At that moment, I let go of the very expectations that kept me asleep and woke up and faced the pain inside of me. I guess it was like being awakened by a nightmare that really made me think and reflect about its meaning.

I am glad to be awake now. I am glad that even if I am in a deep sleep, Jesus can awake me so I can face the world with all its flawed design.

NIU shooter's girlfriend: No sign he was 'planning something'

By Abbie Boudreau and Scott Zamost
CNN Special Investigations Unit

WONDER LAKE, Illinois (CNN) -- The girlfriend of the gunman who killed five people and then himself at Northern Illinois University last Thursday told CNN that there was "no indication he was planning something."
art.baty.cnn.jpg

Jessica Baty said her boyfriend, Steve Kazmierczak, gave no warning of the terror he planned to unleash at NIU.


"He wasn't erratic. He wasn't delusional. He was Steve; he was normal," Jessica Baty tearfully said in an exclusive interview Sunday.

Baty, 28, dated Steven Kazmierczak off and on for two years and had most recently been living with him.

"He was a worrier," she said. He once told her he had "obsessive-compulsive tendencies" and that his parents committed him as a teen to a group home because he was "unruly" and used to cut himself.

He had been seeing a psychiatrist, Baty said, and was taking an anti-depressant. But Kazmierczak had stopped taking the medication three weeks ago, "because it made him feel like a zombie," she said.

"He wasn't acting erratic," she said. "He was just a little quicker to get annoyed."

She knew he had purchased at least two guns. He told her they were for home protection.

On Valentine's Day, Baty was in class at the University of Illinois in Urbana-Champaign where she and Kazmierczak were graduate students studying criminal justice. The students began to talk about a mass shooting taking place at Baty and Kazmierczak's alma mater, NIU in DeKalb.

She didn't think much of it, and her mind drifted to where her boyfriend told her he would be that day -- with his godfather in another town in Illinois.

Police say Kazmierczak burst into an NIU geology class and opened fire with at least a shotgun and two handguns, killing five students while hundreds fled for their lives. Authorities were on the scene within a few minutes but by the time they reached the classroom, Kazmierczak, 27, had shot himself to death.

"The person I knew was not the one who went into Cole Hall and did that," said Baty. "He was anything but a monster. He was probably the ... nicest, [most]caring person ever."

Either the day of the shooting or the day after, Baty received a package in the mail from Kazmierczak. It was a two textbooks with what she described as a "goodbye" note, and a new cell phone.

She has no idea why he sent her a new phone, but read the contents of the note to CNN.

"You've done so much for me," the note said. "You will make an excellent psychologist and social worker someday."

He sent her another package with a gun holster and ammunition in it, Baty said. She said she has no clue why he would have done that.

Baty is haunted by a phone call Kazmierczak made to her around midnight, the night before the slayings. "He called me at midnight and told me not to forget about him," she said.

Then, Baty said Kazmierczak told her, "Goodbye, Jessica."

Shaking and crying, her family at her side during the interview, Baty said she still loves the man she met in a hallway at NIU when they were both undergraduate students.

Like comments from teachers which have been widely reported, she said Kazmierczak was an achiever who always tried to get ahead in class and seemed committed to criminal justice issues. He planned to go to law school and she hoped to get her Phd.

"He never missed a class," she said. "He was always ahead."

Pictures of their relationship don't betray anything odd. They are scenes of the two of them smiling on Florida beaches, on golf courses and having fun at Disney World.

Police confiscated several items. Among them was a copy of Friedrich Nietzsche's "The Antichrist" which Kazmierczak sent to Baty after the shooting. The police also took Kazmierczak's copy of the "Encyclopedia of Serial Killers."

Teachers and others who knew Kazmierczak have said he was fascinated with prison culture. In 2006, when he was a student at NIU, police said, he worked on a graduate paper that described his interest in "corrections, political violence and peace and social justice."

The paper said Kazmierczak was "co-authoring a manuscript on the role of religion in the formation of early prisons in the United States."

"I didn't think he was crazy," said Baty, sobbing. "I still love him." E-mail to a friend E-mail to a friend

CNN's Todd Schwartzchild contributed to this report.



Thursday, February 14, 2008

Reports: Several people shot at Northern Illinois University

  • (CNN) -- At least two people were shot and several injured shortly before 4 p.m. CT at Northern Illinois University outside Chicago, CNN affiliates are reporting.
art.shooting.wls.jpg

Ambulances line up at Northern Illinois University after a shooting.

The gunman who opened fire in Cole Hall, a lecture building, is dead, according to DeKalb police, the Chicago Sun-Times is reporting.

According to the Chicago Tribune, the DeKalb County coroner's office said no fatalities had been immediately reported.

A local hospital tells CNN affiliate CLTV that it expects to receive 15 patients and has so far treated at least two.

CLTV reports that Kishwaukee Medical Center in DeKalb is treating six people with head wounds.

A woman named Corrine described the scene to CLTV, saying she was "carried out" of Cole Hall by a "wave" of students running for their lives.

"When one of the kids said, 'This guy is shooting!' I just ran to the next building as fast as I could and hid in an empty classroom."

Officers responded to a call of shots fired on campus around 3 p.m., DeKalb County Sheriff Roger Scott told the Tribune.

A professor at the school said there was a person with a gun in Cole Hall, a large lecture hall in Watson Hall. Scott said it was possible the assailant may have taken his own life.

The university had ordered its student body to seek shelter, and it canceled classes Thursday.

"Its has been confirmed that there has been a shooting on campus and several people have been taken away by ambulance," the school said in a posting on its DeKalb campus Web site. "All classes are canceled on the DeKalb campus. People are urged not to come to campus."

A law enforcement official being briefed on the situation tells CNN that the shooter used at least a shotgun. The official declined to be identified further because the incident was still developing.

An spokesman with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives tells CNN that some of its agents are on the scene -- strictly in an assistance role. He says one of the things ATF agents would do is help trace the weapon or weapons used. An FBI spokesman says several of that agency's agents were also en route to the scene to assist.

DeKalb is 65 miles west of downtown Chicago and 45 minutes southeast of Rockford. E-mail to a friend E-mail to a friend



One Last Breath-by Creed


Song lyrics | One Last Breath lyrics

One- By Creed


Song lyrics | One lyrics

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Is Honesty the Best Policy?

I wonder that some days. I mean is honesty the best way to go when more than half the population lies to each other? I tried both today. With one person whom I was being considered for a job, I told them a half truth and another who was also considering me, I told the full truth. Would you believe telling the truth proved to bite me in the butt?

People don't want to hear the truth! I mean there is this widespread so called honesty going on. I now realize that isn't honesty but a deep seated need for people to be cruel, heartless and belligerent to each other. People are full of these hurts and pains that they just automatically attack those who are not hurting. It is more a need to divide and conquer those who appear to have any shred of confidence that the other lacks. We live with so much dishonesty and lies that real God given truth doesn't even register. There are people who have grown accustomed to being lied to and to their own lies that they don't know how to identify a truthful statement no matter how it comes to them.

Truth is such a subjective concept to some. Truth becomes what they believe as truth which strangely enough is a deception. I think blindness covers the eyes of many. There are those "common related truths" that everyone believes as facts which are actually just ways to get everyone to conform to everyone's survival of the cunning. Independent thinking is frowned upon because it means that so called belief system is challenged. I think basically true and honest truth is frowned upon because it cannot be explained and makes people uncomfortable.

In all of this, I learned that when I am being honest and the other person rejects it, it is no longer my problem but becomes an issue with them. It taught me that those who want to hear the truth and honesty, they will embrace what I say and be glad I was upfront with them. For those who don't like hearing the truth and honesty, I wouldn't want to work for them anyways. True wisdom comes in surrounding myself with honest and true friends and people. They shine light in the darkness.

I think honesty is the best policy because sooner or later it sinks in and people recognize it and appreciate it!

Sunday, February 10, 2008

The Pretender




Foo Fighters Lyrics

Regarding the Unexpected

There are so many times life hits us with the unexpected. Life can be filled with turmoil as it is. How do we deal with the unexpected without losing our minds?

This is something I am handling right now. I feel like a juggler at times. I am juggling all these balls in the air and suddenly someone throws more balls into the bunch so that I have to juggle those too. There are some people who love to throw more our way just to see if it will break us. Some people are out there who want to throw us off balance because they themselves are so full of misery. Misery loves company.

I could drive myself crazy with all this unexpected stuff but I am trying something new. I am trying to get my focus off myself and put it on God. I handle the unexpected by looking backwards to see that Jesus is behind me helping me handle the load. It is easy for me to worry and handle the load by myself but that is where growth takes place. I am a child who wants to do it all on her own. I can't do it on my own because I am bound to drop those balls to the ground. I am going to fall backwards into Jesus' arms and let him take over because He is the only one who can take it all on Himself.

Regarding the unexpected, I can expect these things to come up and I can't plan for these things but I can also expect that Jesus can handle this for me. I can expect it all to work out with Him.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Love Gone Cold

Today is one of those days when my love has gone cold. This world is so full of pain and hurt. What is the use? Some days I wish I could just jump off the side of the earth and be done with it. People continue being cruel to one another. People continue lieing to each other. It just never stops. Is there any hope at all?

I have a delusional father who thinks he can be an author. He thinks his book will make it on the best seller list. I have a father who his whole life has been spent hurting other people and killing the spirits of others especially his wife and kids. He feels he deserves a chance for redemption. He feels he has earned everyone's forgiveness. We should just overlook his painful and cruel remarks and just look past it all. Well, today I am done associating with him. I am done helping him. I am done being desensitized to his garbage and treatment of me. I am changing my name and no longer associating with this barbarian. He refuses to change and frankly I don't care anymore. He can have all the fame and fortune in the world, because he lost me as his daughter today. He has killed my spirit for the last time. I have put up with his shit all of my life and I am no longer putting up with any more. As of this moment, I am no longer his daughter and will have no association with him. It makes no sense that I would have a mother who strived her whole life for this man who is a cement block of pain and unyielding love. I don't need him anymore and I don't want anything from him. He can have no more of my love any more. This person isn't my father as far as I am concerned. He is a stranger that somehow became more of a stranger with each passing day. This ashole isn't worthy of my time or energy. He cares nothing for any of us and never will. I am tired of living in a dream that he will change. The next move will be to move far away from him. I don't want my love to grow bitter and colder any more. He strung us all along for too long. He can have his kingdom of isolation. There will be none of us celebrating his hollow and empty victories. They all carry too high a price to pay for any of us.

Today my love is cold but tomorrow is a new day full of hope and renewal.

Live and Let Die- Paul McCartney and Wings




Lyrics | Live And Let Die lyrics

Friday, February 8, 2008

Violations of 'Islamic teachings' take deadly toll on Iraqi women

By Arwa Damon
CNN

BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- The images in the Basra police file are nauseating: Page after page of women killed in brutal fashion -- some strangled to death, their faces disfigured; others beheaded. All bear signs of torture.

art.basra.police.cnn.jpg

Police chief Gen. Abdul Jalil Khalaf holds a book cataloging the dead.

The women are killed, police say, because they failed to wear a headscarf or because they ignored other "rules" that secretive fundamentalist groups want to enforce.

"Fear, fear is always there," says 30-year-old Safana, an artist and university professor. "We don't know who to be afraid of. Maybe it's a friend or a student you teach. There is no break, no security. I don't know who to be afraid of."

Her fear is justified. Iraq's second-largest city, Basra, is a stronghold of conservative Shia groups. As many as 133 women were killed in Basra last year -- 79 for violation of "Islamic teachings" and 47 for so-called honor killings, according to IRIN, the news branch of the U.N.'s Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs.

One glance through the police file is enough to understand the consequences. Basra's police chief, Gen. Abdul Jalil Khalaf, flips through the file, pointing to one unsolved case after another. Video Watch Khalaf show evidence of the brutality »

"I think so far, we have been unable to tackle this problem properly," he says. "There are many motives for these crimes and parties involved in killing women, by strangling, beheading, chopping off their hands, legs, heads."

"When I came to Basra a year ago," he says, "two women were killed in front of their kids. Their blood was flowing in front of their kids, they were crying. Another woman was killed in front of her 6-year-old son, another in front of her 11-year-old child, and yet another who was pregnant."

The killers enforcing their own version of Islamic justice are rarely caught, while women live in fear.

Boldly splattered in red paint just outside the main downtown market, a chilling sign reads: "We warn against not wearing a headscarf and wearing makeup. Those who do not abide by this will be punished. God is our witness, we have notified you."

The attacks on the women of Basra have intensified since British forces withdrew to their base at the airport back in September, police say. Iraqi security forces took over after British troops pulled back, but are heavily infiltrated by militias.

And tracking the perpetrators of these crimes is nearly impossible, Khalaf says, adding that he doesn't have control of the thousands of policemen and officers.

"We're trying to trace crimes carried out by an anonymous enemy," he says.

Amnesty International has raised concern about the increasing violence toward women in Iraq, saying abductions, rapes and "honor killings" are on the rise.

"Politically active women, those who did not follow a strict dress code, and women [who are] human rights defenders were increasingly at risk of abuses, including by armed groups and religious extremists," Amnesty said in a 2007 report.

Sometimes, it's just the color of a woman's headscarf that can draw unwanted attention.

"One time, one of my female colleagues commented on the color of my headscarf," Safana says. "She said it would draw attention ... [and I should] avoid it and stick to colors like gray, brown and black."

This extremist ideology enrages many secular Muslim women, who say it's a misrepresentation of Islam.

Sawsan, another woman who works at a university, says the message from the radicals to women is simple: "They seem to be sending us a message to stay at home and keep your mouth shut."

After the fall of Saddam Hussein in 2003, Sawsan says, the situation was "the best." But now, she says, it's "the worst."

"We thought there would be freedom and democracy and women would have their rights. But all the things we were promised have not come true. There is only fear and horror." E-mail to a friend

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Ledger died of prescription drug abuse: NY coroner


NEW YORK (Reuters) - Actor Heath Ledger died of an accidental overdose of prescription drugs, including painkillers, tranquilizers and sleeping aids, officials said on Wednesday.

"We have concluded that the manner of death is accident, resulting from the abuse of prescription medications," the New York City Medical Examiner's Office said in a statement.

Australian-born Ledger, 28, renowned for his role as a conflicted gay cowboy in the 2005 movie "Brokeback Mountain," was found dead in his Manhattan apartment on January 22, naked and with several prescription drugs nearby.

His death shocked film fans and fellow actors around the world and added his name to the list of movie stars who died young like Marilyn Monroe and James Dean.

An autopsy the day after his death proved inconclusive pending tissue and toxicology tests, the results of which results were released on Wednesday.

"Mr. Heath Ledger died as the result of acute intoxication by the combined effects of oxycodone, hydrocodone, diazepam, temazepam, alprazolam, and doxylamine," the statement said.

Oxycodone, which is often abused, and hydrocodone are painkillers. Diazepam and alprazolam are anti-anxiety medicines. Diazepam is sold under the brand name Valium and alprazolam is sold under the name Xanax.

Temazepam is a sleep aid sold under the name Restoril. Doxylamine, a sleep aid and antihistamine, is an active ingredient in a number of over-the-counter medications, including NyQuil.

In a statement on behalf of the family, his father, Kim Ledger, thanked the actor's fans for their outpouring of support and asked to be allowed to grieve privately.

"While no medications were taken in excess, we learned today the combination of doctor-prescribed drugs proved lethal for our boy," the statement said.

"Today's results put an end to speculation, but our son's beautiful spirit and enduring memory will forever remain in our hearts."

The handsome star had been romantically linked with a number of actresses and models, periodically spotted in fancy clubs and night spots around New York.

He recently had been in a committed relationship with actress Michelle Williams, the mother of their 2-year-old daughter, Matilda, but the couple split in September. Some reports said Ledger was having difficulty with the breakup.

The couple met during the filming of "Brokeback Mountain," in which they played husband and wife.

Ledger received an Oscar nomination for "Brokeback Mountain" and had completed filming his role as The Joker in "The Dark Knight," a Batman film due out this year.

Other film credits included "The Patriot" in 2000, "Monster's Ball" in 2001 and "I'm Not There" in 2007.

Vick's fighting dogs get second chance at life


By Dan Simon
CNN
KANAB, Utah (CNN) -- Ellen doesn't look like a top-fighting dog.
Pit bulls

Michael Vick agreed to pay nearly $1 million to subsidize the various facilities caring for his 47 pit bulls.

She wags her tail and gives kisses to anyone who greets her. But the deep scars on her face are permanent reminders of her difficult and violent past.

Ellen is one of the 47 pit bulls seized from an illegal dog fighting ring on property owned by disgraced NFL quarterback Michael Vick.

The dogs were bred to fight to the death. Of course, if trained properly they can be gentle loyal pets.

Twenty-two of the pit bulls now reside at sanctuary at the Best Friends Animal Sanctuary in the mountain town of Kanab, Utah. The 25 other dogs have been placed at rehabilitation shelters across the country.

All of them are lucky to be alive.

The Humane Society of the United States and People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals wanted the dogs euthanized. But rescue operations won their fight to give these animals a second chance at life.

"There's a belief by a lot of people that these dogs cannot be rehabilitated," said the facility's veterinarian, Dr. Frank McMillan. "It's true that they can't all be [rehabilitated], but we're finding out here and elsewhere, that they can and they become very nice pets."

The dogs have only been at the shelter about a month and their caregivers have already seen signs of progress.

"I was surprised at how many were shy. There were quite a few that were under socialized and pretty shut down," said Michelle Besmehn, who oversees the dogs at the sanctuary.

"I've been really pleased at how quickly they're coming around. It's actually been fun to see personalities are starting to show. "

One of the most affectionate and lovable dogs at the shelter is Lucas -- Vick's champion fighter.

Shelter staff believes the scarred, brown 65-pound pit bull won praise and special treatment for winning fights and money, perhaps hundreds of thousands of dollars for Vick and his associates.

Despite his good nature, a court ruled that Lucas can never leave the sanctuary because of his violent past.

Dogs that didn't fight well were beaten, drowned, shot and even electrocuted by Vick and his associates, according to court records.

Thought it's nearly impossible to know the extent of the emotional and physical abuse these dogs endured, in some cases it's apparent.

One dog, Georgia, had all 42 of her teeth pulled. Caregivers believe it was to prevent her from attacking male dogs during forced breeding.

"We don't know who did it. We assume it's because she was such a valuable breeding dog," McMillian said. "Very often females will not accept males in breeding and will attack."

The National Geographic Channel will profile Georgia and three of the other pit bulls as part of an ongoing television series, "Dogtown," which follows the rehabilitation and resocialization of the worst cases.

The hope is that six months from now, some of the dogs will become normal, lovable pets that are safe enough to adopt.

Even if they never get adopted, the dogs will always have a home at Best Friends, which doesn't euthanize for behavioral reasons.

The former Atlanta Falcons quarterback is serving a 23-month sentence at maximum-security prison in Leavenworth, Kansas. The NFL suspended Vick indefinitely without pay. He agreed to pay nearly $1 million to subsidize the various facilities that are caring for his former pit bulls.

"To me, and to those of us that care about animals, it's more than fair and maybe not enough," said McMillan.

"If he wants to play football, none of us here care about that. But we don't want him ever owning a dog again." E-mail to a friend E-mail to a friend

Tired of Being Sorry-Enrique Iglesias




Enrique Iglesias Lyrics
Tired Of Being Sorry Lyrics

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Losing Control

I have a tough time losing control of some things. I think the biggest thing for all of us is controlling everything. I get frustrated when things aren't going the way I planned them to. The thing that is the best about all this is that being in control isn't all it is cracked up to be. I have loved surprises ever since I was a kid. I couldn't wait to see what the presents were under the tree. It was always exciting to see what other people had bought me that I had not guessed they would.

God is the greatest one to put our trust in because He knows exactly how to surprise and excite us with the things that He does for us. The predictable is easy to live in but not exciting at all. God gives some things to us as a routine but by trusting in Him, we can be assured that there will always be surprises and excitement in our life.

I have always felt responsibility in making things work out. I now know that I can let go of things and still be assured that God is in control. I realize now that the more I let go of myself, the more I can hold onto the true meaning or purpose in life and that is focusing on Jesus in my life. I am at the point where everything is going crazy right now. I feel like I don't know how anything is going to turn out in my life. I am truly living by faith and it scares me. I am focused on the only true person in my life and that is Jesus. My faith is now focusing on who He is. I know all His promises in the bible. He hasn't broken any so far.

I am losing complete control of my life right now and letting go of the steering wheel as my life heads around the curve. I am jumping into the passenger seat while this all is happening and letting God take the wheel. I have no idea what is ahead for me. I know for sure it is going to surprise me! If I was at the wheel, I know I would crash and burn.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

The Tolerance Policy

I have found that tolerance is taught alot in our society. We are to tolerate the other person because it is universally acceptable to do this. We are taught to tolerate someone despite the fact that we can't stand them. Has this brought out an open minded society? I don't think so. I find it has brought about a whole new group of people called the passive aggressive agitators. Who would you rather be around? A person who directly confronts you about how they feel about you or one who smiles at you and seemingly agrees with you then stabs you in the back when you aren't looking. Yep, these are the seemingly invincible and undetectable characters of today.

How do you confront a person who is underhanded and virtually untraceable in the things they do to you? They smile and flatter and convince you that they are on your side. They then blame you because you "made" them agree to do something that they didn't want to and arrange your ultimate demise in some scheme behind your back so you are embarrassed or shamed for "their so called hurt feelings." You should have been able to read their mind. I mean it was so obvious they didn't want to like you in the first place and you made them like you. Yes, it is a society of passive aggressive people who have honed their tolerance skills so well that they can instinctively catch you at just the right moment and make you feel like shit. Some passive aggressives think they are fooling you by their whole act but they aren't really very good at the whole act. You can see them mouth, "I think you are great" with their toothy grin and then a cartoon bubble appears above their head saying: "I hate your fuckin guts so get away from me." It kind of leaked out in the snarl that formed the smile and the glaring darts coming from their eyes and not to mention the half formed fist.

It makes me wonder if we are breeding a whole bunch of brilliant con men and women. Their lies are superb and they have actually believed their lies so much that they now don't know what is the truth. These would be the virtual stone hearted urchins who are affected by nothing or noone. Has tolerance taught us anything? It has taught us to hate even more. As kids when we were told to do something and we didn't want to do it, we fought tooth and nail not to do it. When our parents made us do it anyways, we hated them for it and especially if they told us it was for our own good. It is the same thing today. If I am told to like someone or to tolerate someone who is a complete ashole and whom I don't want to be around, I will rebel inside myself. That is why God gave me a free will. I can choose to do or not do something.

I think the whole point is that we shouldn't just be "tolerating" someone but learning to respect them instead. There is a difference. I can respect someone even if they disagree with me or I with them. I don't "have" to get along with them. We simply agree to disagree on a point and move on. I think tolerance equates that we MUST like everyone's viewpoint and not have one of our own. That is definately unfair and so wrong. It is also unfair that we tolerate some things in society and other things are not tolerated. This is especially true when it pertains to freedom to believe in God. Oh no, we can't tolerate this! There is no fairness in any of this. I really get worried of what our world is becoming. I do know that in some countries full tolerance exists but no freedom exists for anyone. Is that where we are headed here in North America?

The only way, I can get past the divisions and intolerances of the world is through a belief in Jesus. I am not saying if we believe in Him, there aren't going to be divisions. I am saying that Jesus takes those divisions and shows us how to love ourselves and then love each other. Isn't that better then just full tolerance? Love teaches us to see through just plain tolerance to acceptance and respect.

The Monster at Large

Suspect in illegal kidney transplant ring may have fled to Canada: Indian police

Fri Feb 1, 1:53 PM

7

By Michelle Mcquigge, The Canadian Press
A

TORONTO - The alleged mastermind of an illegal kidney transplant ring has family ties to Canada and may have fled to this country, the lead investigator said Friday.

Speaking from his office in Gurgaon, India, Police Commissioner Mohinder Lal said Amit Kumar is the primary suspect in the ring and that Canadian authorities are being asked to assist in the investigation.

"His wife and two sons are in Canada," Lal told the Canadian Press in a telephone interview. "He could be there."

He said he did not know where in Canada Kumar's family is living.

Interpol in Ottawa confirmed Friday they are "a point of contact" in the investigation and are providing assistance to the Indian authorities. They declined to provide further details.

Kumar, 40, became the subject of an international manhunt late Thursday after Interpol issued a red notice for his arrest. A second notice, posted on the international policing agency's website, calls for the arrest of 36-year-old Jeevan Rawat.

Both doctors are wanted in India on counts of "illegal transplanting of kidneys, cheating and criminal conspiracy."

Kumar is alleged to be the mastermind behind an elaborate organ harvesting ring based in Gurgaon, an affluent suburb of New Delhi.

Lal alleged kidneys were forcibly removed from as many as 500 people and then used to provide transplants for foreigners.

Lal said there is no evidence to suggest any of the recipients hailed from Canada, but said the investigation is ongoing.

He said police have identified recipients from the United States and a variety of European countries.

The ring was discovered after police raids on a number of hospitals and guest houses unearthed sophisticated surgical equipment concealed in residential neighbourhoods.

Police also allege potential donors were assessed using blood-testing machines installed in luxury cars. Several arrests have already been made in the case.

The Associated Press reported that while some donors willingly sold their kidneys for as much as $2,250, many were lured to operation sites, held at gunpoint and ultimately forced to undergo the procedure.

Mohammed Salim, who was rescued during a police raid, said he was promised paid construction work, as well as food and lodging, but found himself held prisoner in a house where his kidney was removed against his will.

"I don't know how I will survive," Salim told The Associated Press from a hospital bed. "I am the only earner in the family and the doctors said I can't do heavy work."

There long have been reports of poor Indians illegally selling kidneys, but the transplant racket in Gurgaon is one of the most extensive to come to light - and the first with an element of so-called medical tourism.

The low cost of medical care in India has made it a popular destination for foreigners in need of everything from tummy tucks to heart surgery.