Bullies at Work

Ten signs you're being bullied at work

Allison Van Dusen

Chances are if you work with others, you'll be bullied at some point in your career.

In the U.S., where the practice is being studied, an estimated 37% of workers, or about 54 million people, have been bullied at the office, or repeatedly mistreated in a health-harming way, according to a 2007 Zogby International survey. The percentage balloons to 49% of workers, 71.5 million people, when witnesses are included.

Go to Forbes.com to view the slideshow

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The problem is, however, unless you're at the receiving end of severe abuse, you're unlikely to realize it.

Experts say there's a general lack of awareness about the bullying and the types of behaviours the term encompasses. This often prevents people from realizing that a boss or co-worker is a bully. There's also an element of personal shame involved.

"They're sinking into a really bad state emotionally, finding it harder to go to work and it might even affect their job performance," says David Yamada, a professor at Suffolk University Law School and president of the New Workplace Institute, a non-profit that promotes healthy, productive and socially responsible workplaces. "Oftentimes people don't put the pieces together until it's too late."

While hard to quantify, workplace bullying is clearly costly for employees as well as employers.

About 45% of individuals targeted by bullies at work suffer stress-related health problems, according to the Zogby survey. That could include cardiovascular problems, an impaired immune system, debilitating anxiety and even post-traumatic stress disorder, says Gary Namie, director of the Workplace Bullying Institute and president of Work Doctor, a consulting firm that specializes in correcting and preventing workplace bullying.

Companies pay in employee turnover, employee absenteeism and, to a small extent, workers' compensation claims. Bullies can tarnish an organization's reputation and ability to recruit, since word gets around when employees are miserable and leaving in droves.

New research by University of Manitoba's M. Sandy Hershcovis and Julian Barling, of Queen's University in Ontario, also shows that workplace bullying is hurting employees more than sexual harassment--causing more job stress, less job commitment and higher levels of anxiety.

Yamada and the Workplace Bullying Institute have been promoting state legislation that asks employers to address the issue and give victims legal recourse, which they currently only have if the bullying is related to a protected status, such as race. But critics counter that such legislation creates a serious liability risk for companies.

Signs of trouble

Regardless of the legislation or your company's individual policy, workers have to recognize the problem before anything is likely to change. If you're physically ill the night before the start of every workweek, take a minute to think about whether it's because you're being bullied.

While more overt signs might include a boss who has a habit of yelling at you in front of your co-workers or making belittling or critical comments about your work during meetings, some behaviour is more insidious. Ever get excluded from a group lunch or team meeting? That might qualify as bullying, too.

If you're looking for advice, scholars with Arizona State University's Project for Wellness and Work-Life, a group that examines the intersections of work, domestic life and wellness, have some suggestions. In their 2007 report entitled "How to Bust the Office Bully," they recommend that targets figure out a rational way to tell their stories to colleagues, bosses or human resources while managing their emotions. Emphasizing your competence and showing consideration for others' perspectives is also crucial, the report says.

But if you feel like your company supports this kind of negative behaviour, your best option just might be to quit.

"It's not worth it," Hershcovis says, "to put your health at risk."

Go to Forbes.com to view the slideshow

In Pictures: 10 Signs You're Being Bullied At Work

He Reigns!

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I Wish We'd All Been Ready

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From $70K to food bank, one family's struggle

• Story Highlights
• Patricia Guerrero went from making $70,000 to drawing unemployment checks
  
• Desperate to feed her kids, she recently went to a food bank for the first time
  
• Expert says charities are reporting a rise in middle-class families at food banks
  
• Guererro: "It just happened so fast. It happened in a matter of -- what -- two months"
  
• Next Article in Living »

• Read
• VIDEO
• MAP
• CHART

By Thelma Gutierrez and Wayne Drash
CNN

ALTADENA, California (CNN) -- When she was laid off in February, Patricia Guerrero was making $70,000 a year. Weeks later, with bills piling up and in need of food for her family, this middle-class mother did something she never thought she would do: She went to a food bank.

Patricia Guerrero was laid off in February. Desperate to make ends meet, she recently went to a food bank.

It was Good Friday, and a woman helping her offered to pay her utility bill.

"It brought tears to my eyes, and I sat there and I cried. I was like, 'This is really where I'm at?' " she told CNN. "I go 'no way;' [but] this is true. This is reality. This is the stuff you see on TV. It was hard. It was very hard."

Guerrero is estranged from her husband and raising her two young children. She's already burned through her savings to help make ends meet, and is drawing unemployment checks. She has had to take extreme measures to pay for her interest-only mortgage of $2,500 a month. In fact, her mother moved in with her to help pay the bills.

Guerrero even applied for food stamps, but was denied. Watch Guerrero describe going to food bank »

"I never used the system. I've been working since I was 15-and-a-half. I needed it now and it turned me down," she said.

Stories like Guerrero's are becoming more common as middle-class Americans feel the pinch of an economic downturn, rising gas prices and a housing crunch, especially in a state like California that has been rocked by foreclosures.

On Wednesday, a key government report on the battered housing market found new home sales fell to their lowest level in 13 years in February, suggesting the nation's housing market is still struggling.

Americans also have been attending in large numbers foreclosure fairs where mortgage lenders, financial planners and counselors offer tips to hard-hit homeowners.

"Our economy is struggling, and families in the 'Inland Empire' and across the nation are hurting," California Rep. Joe Baca said, referring to an area of Southern California in his district.

"Our housing market is in a state of crisis due to rampant abuses of sub-prime lending, and unemployment is rising. At the same time, the cost of necessities such as gas, healthcare, and education continue to rise." Map: Foreclosures state-by-state »

Daryl Brock, the executive director of Second Harvest Food Bank in California's San Bernardino and Riverside counties, said his organization supplies food to more than 400 charities in metro Los Angeles, from homeless shelters to soup kitchens to an array of food banks. While the majority of people they help are working poor families, he said they have seen some major changes.

In the last 12 to 18 months, Brock said, the agencies he supplies have begun seeing more middle-class families coming to their doors.

"Our agencies have said there is an increasing number of people coming to them for help," Brock told CNN by phone. "Their impression was that these were not people they normally would have seen before. They seemed to be better dressed. They seemed to have better cars and yet they seemed to be in crisis mode."

He added, "The only thing they can do is give us anecdotal evidence that they think it's because of the sub-prime mortgage meltdown and the housing crisis." See recent trends of foreclosure filings »

Don't Miss

• Issue #1: America's money
• In Depth: Right On Your Money

A former loan processor, Guerrero knows all about that, although so far she has been able keep her house.

She used her tax refund to help pay many of her bills for the first two months, but now that money's gone.

She says she's now in a middle-class "no-man's-land."

"It just happened so fast. It happened in a matter of -- what -- two months," she said.

She's eager to get back to work and to hold onto her home until the market turns. But for this single mom, every day it becomes harder to hang on.

"It's just depressing," she said. "For me, I just don't want to get out of bed, but I have to. That's my hardest thing. I have to." E-mail to a friend

Prayer Requests

The Persecution & Prayer Alert
The Voice of the Martyrs, Canada
www.persecution.net
Wednesday, March 26, 2008

A weekly news digest on the Persecuted Church and how you can respond.

"Remember Them" -- find out how. Go to www.rememberthem.ca.

Subscribe to the RSS feed at www.persecution.net/pnp.xml.
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In this week's edition: Reports from India, the West Bank and Laos with updates from Sri Lanka, Turkey, and VOMC
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1. Two Nuns Attacked in Alibaug, India

Sister Mercy Tuscano and Sister Philomena D'Mello were attacked by approximately 50 Hindu assailants on March 23 in the town of Alibaug, Maharashtra for allegedly converting tribal groups to Christianity. The nuns were injured in the attack by the mob, which included women, who are followers of a spiritual leader in the area. Both nuns were treated in hospital and have since been released. They are members of a non-governmental organization that extends humanitarian services such as AIDS awareness to tribal groups in the region.

Pray for the recovery of the two nuns from their injuries. Ask the Lord to strengthen Indian Christians to continue serving the Lord despite pressure for their faith (1 Peter 5:10).

For more information on the suffering of Christians in India, go to www.persecution.net/country/india.htm. A video report on this incident is available at www.persecution.net/news/india273.html.
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2. Son of Pastor Injured in Bombing in the West Bank

Amiel Ortiz, the teenage son of a Messianic pastor David Ortiz, was seriously injured when a bomb delivered to the family's home in the Jewish settlement town of Ariel went off in his hands on March 20. The explosive was reportedly delivered in one of the gift baskets Jews exchange on the Purim holiday. At last report, Amiel was in serious condition, unconscious and breathing through a respirator. Local Christians suspect that the Ortiz family was targeted by militants angered by the family's evangelistic work. Christians in the region face frequent opposition from authorities, Orthodox Jews and Muslims for their efforts to share Christ.

Pray for healing for Amiel. Ask God to give comfort and protection to the Ortiz family as they serve Him. Pray that their passion for Christ will be the light that draws others to Jesus (Matthew 5:14-16).
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3. Pastors Arrested by Police in Laos

On March 18, eight Khmu pastors from Oudomxay Province, Laos were arrested while entering Thailand to attend meetings, according to VOMC sources. Two groups of pastors were coming into Thailand to attend meetings. The first group made it over the Mekong River without any issues. The second group, however, was followed by the Laotian police. The pastors were searched, and all of their belongings were confiscated from them, including a cell phone. The pastors have reportedly been taken back to Laos but there has been no recent contact with them to confirm their whereabouts.

Pray that the pastors will continue to trust God to protect and embolden them as they suffer for His sake (2 Timothy 4:16-18). Pray that Laotian authorities will stop their campaign against Christians and come to know Christ as Lord.
For more information on the persecution of Christians in Laos, go to www.persecution.net/country/laos.htm.
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4. New Anti-Conversion Bill Passed in Rajasthan, India

On March 20, the governing Bharatiya Janata Party in Rajasthan state passed a new "anti-conversion" bill that has stricter provisions than the previous bill that was passed in 2006 (see www.persecution.net/news/india123.html for more details). The new bill states that a society or trust found to be "contemplating" the use of money for converting people can have its registration canceled. Christians fear that this stipulation will provide the pretext for numerous complaints against Christian organizations. The bill also dictates that any person who intends to convert must send a notice to the government at least 30 days in advance or face a fine of up to 1,000 rupees (CAD $25).
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5. Update on Widow of Martyred Sri Lankan Pastor

The health of Mrs. Shiromi Edirisinghe, widow of the late Pastor Neil Edirisinghe, who sustained gunshot injuries in the attack that killed her husband on the February 17 (go to www.persecution.net/news/srilanka83.html for more details), continues to improve. According to a March 24 update from the National Christian Evangelical Alliance of Sri Lanka, Shiromi is now able to breathe without the aid of a ventilator and is also able to eat and speak. She continues to be in need of prayer for recovery, however, as she is due to undergo a serious operation to remove a bullet that is lodged close to her spine. She has been transferred to the Kandy Hospital for the procedure. At present her left leg is immobile. Her left arm is also immobile and the bullet wound on it has not yet healed.
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6. Update on Christians Accused of "Insulting Turkishness"

In October 2006, Hakan Tastan and Turan Topal were charged with "insulting Turkishness," defamation of Islam and secretly compiling data (see www.persecution.net/news/turkey22.html for more details). On March 13, these men attended a hearing during which three gendarme soldiers were summoned to testify before the Silivri Criminal Court in northwestern Turkey as witnesses for the prosecution, according to a March 17 report from Compass Direct. The three soldiers confirmed details of the initial investigation but provided no evidence that justified the charges. Two other scheduled witnesses failed to appear to testify. The judge has scheduled the next hearing for June 24.
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7. Western Canada Persecuted Church Prayer Conference

Edmonton, Alberta - April 5
9:30 a.m. - 3:30 p.m.

Mark your calendars, invite a friend and plan to attend VOMC's 2008 Western Canada Persecuted Church Prayer Conference in Edmonton, Alberta on April 5. Special guests include two special African choirs from Eritrea and Nigeria, Dr. John, the director of a VOMC partner ministry that provides hope to Christians in India, and Kevin Kisilowsky, a Manitoba marriage commissioner who is fighting for the right not to perform same sex marriages because of his Christian beliefs. Staff from The Voice of the Martyrs, including Glenn Penner and Greg Musselman, will also be reporting on VOMC's work around the world with the Persecuted Church. For more information, visit www.persecution.net/conferences.htm.
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The Persecution & Prayer Alert is a ministry of The Voice of the Martyrs, Canada. (Mailing address: P.O. Box 117, Port Credit, Mississauga, Ontario L5G 4L5)
Tel. (905) 670.9721. Website: www.persecution.net
Editor: Glenn Penner
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Please do not reply to this email, as it comes from an address that is not monitored. To contact us, use our online form at www.persecution.net/contact.htm.

If you would like to encourage someone to read or receive this weekly publication, please use our online form at www.persecution.net/pnpforward.htm and help spread the message of the Persecuted Church around the world.

Fighter

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The Effects of Our Economy

Last hope in a weak economy? Mom and Dad

By EMILY FREDRIX, AP Business WriterFri Mar 21, 6:49 PM ET

After being laid off from her job as an events planner at an upscale resort, Jo Ann Bauer struggled financially. She worked at several lower-paying jobs, relocated to a new city and even declared bankruptcy.

Then in December, she finally accepted her parents' invitation to move into their home — at age 52. "I'm back living in the bedroom that I grew up in," she said.

Taking shelter with parents isn't uncommon for young people in their 20s, especially when the job market is poor. But now the slumping economy and the credit crunch are forcing some children to do so later in life — even in middle age.

Financial planners report receiving many calls from parents seeking advice about taking in their grown children following divorces and layoffs.

Kim Foss Erickson, a financial planner in Roseville, Calif., north of Sacramento, said she has never seen older children, even those in their 50s, depending so much on their parents as in the last six months.

"This is not like, 'OK, my son just graduated from college and needs to move back in' type of thing," she said. "These are 40- and 50-year-old children of my clients that they're helping out."

Parents "jeopardize their financial freedom by continuing to subsidize their children," said Karin Maloney Stifler, a financial planner in Hudson, Ohio, and a board member of the Financial Planning Association. "We have a hard time saying no as a culture to our children, and they keep asking for more."

Bauer's parents won't take rent money or let her help much with groceries. She's trying to save several hundred dollars a month for a house while working as a meetings coordinator.

Bauer would prefer to live on her own, but without her parents' help would "probably be renting again and trying to stick minimal money in the bank," she said.

Shirley Smith, 80, said she and her husband didn't hesitate when they invited Bauer to return to their home in Eden, Wis. Buying groceries for another person isn't stretching her budget too much, she said.

"I've got three kids and any of them can come home if they want," she said.

But plenty of well-meaning parents must delay retirement or scale back their dreams because they have to help their children, Stifler said.

Some of Erickson's clients are giving as much as $50,000 at a time to their kids, many of whom have overextended themselves with big houses or lavish lifestyles. And the sliding economy might threaten their jobs.

Parents feel guilty if they don't offer help, but she warns them to be careful with their savings.

"I almost have to act like a financial therapist if you will," she said. "'Here is the line I'm drawing for you. That's fine. You can do up to this point, but at this point, now you're starting to erode your own wealth.'"

Anna Maggiore, 27, lost her job as a publicist in Los Angeles about three years ago and moved into her parents' house in Los Alamos, N.M.

She tried to find jobs, but nothing stuck, so she enrolled full-time at the College of Santa Fe to finish her bachelor's degree in business.

She figures her parents spend about $1,000 a month on her, including a car payment, car and health insurance, school and other costs. Her father is a retired nuclear physicist and her mother, a guidance counselor, will retire this spring. Now Maggiore is looking for work so she can supplement their income.

"It's kind of hitting me finally that I need to get out there and find a job," she said. "Even if it's just part-time just to help out however I can."

A new survey by the retiree-advocacy group AARP found that one-fourth of Generation Xers, those 28 to 39 years old, receive financial help from family and friends.

The online survey of nearly 1,800 people ages 19 to 39 also found 57 percent believed they were "financially independent." But in a separate question, 33 percent said they received financial support from family and friends.

Bauer was caught by surprise when her job at a resort in Kohler, Wis., was cut four years ago, one year after she got divorced. The single mother bounced around to several lesser-paying jobs, declared bankruptcy and even moved 60 miles south to Milwaukee.

Her daughter, now 12, moved in with Bauer's ex-husband near her hometown.

Bauer decided to move to be closer to her and in December she found a job with the Experimental Aircraft Association in nearby Oshkosh. She tried to buy a house but needed 5 percent down. She only had 2 percent. She's now saving for a down payment and hopes to have it as early as June.

Bauer said she gets along well with her parents and knows she'll never get to spend so much time with them again. But it hurts her ego to live at home.

"I've had people say to me, 'Oh God, I could never do that,'" she said. "But you take humble steps in order to move forward."

Good Friday- The Cost of Salvation

Voice of the Martyr's Prayer Requests

The Persecution & Prayer Alert
The Voice of the Martyrs, Canada
www.persecution.net
Wednesday, March 19, 2008

A weekly news digest on the Persecuted Church and how you can respond.

"Remember Them" -- find out how. Go to www.rememberthem.ca.

Subscribe to the RSS feed at www.persecution.net/pnp.xml.
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In this week's edition: Reports from Iraq and Algeria with updates from Azerbaijan, Ethiopia, Sri Lanka and VOMC
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1. Iraqi Archbishop Rahho Found Dead

The Voice of the Martyrs was saddened to learn that the body of kidnapped Chaldean Catholic archbishop Paulus Faraj Rahho was found in a shallow grave outside the city of Mosul on March 13. He was kidnapped on February 29 after leading prayers at the Holy Spirit parish in Mosul. Three of his aides were killed in the abduction.

Church officials in Mosul reportedly had received a phone call from the kidnappers on March 12 informing them that the archbishop was dead and where they could find the body. It is not immediately clear whether the archbishop was killed or died of natural causes. There had been considerable concern for his health as he suffered from heart problems that required daily medical treatment. Nevertheless, the responsibility for this church leader's death must lie with his abductors.

Over the last eight months, attacks on Iraqi Christians have been escalating. In June, Father Ragheed Gani and three deacons were killed, two priests were kidnapped in October, and in January four churches and a convent were bombed.

Pray that Archbishop Rahho's co-workers and congregants will find strength, courage and peace in Christ. Ask God to raise up other cross-bearing disciples to continue His work in Iraq (Matthew 16:24).

For more information on the difficulties facing Christians in Iraq, please go to www.persecution.net/country/iraq.htm.
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2. Churches Ordered to Cease Activity in Algeria

On March 9, police ordered two Algerian churches to cease activity, according to a March 17 report from Compass Direct. Police notified Pastor Salah Chalah to close his 1200 member Full-Gospel Church in Tizi Ouzou, 100 kilometers east of the capital Algiers. Similarly, security officials issued notice to a second pastor, Mustapha Krireche, to close down his church in Tizi Ouzou's Nouvelle Ville district.

The written closure notice demanded that the churches conform to articles of a law governing non-Muslim worship but did not make clear how the churches had violated it. Passed two years ago, the law forbids attempts to convert Muslims to other religions and bans the production of media intended to "shake the faith of a Muslim." According to Compass Direct, as all Algerian Christians are converts from Islam, the new law could be interpreted to make nearly all churches in the country illegal. The Algerian government has ordered 10 churches closed since November.

Pray that the leaders and members of these churches will find peace and comfort in Christ as they face opposition for His Name. Ask God to provide wisdom and guidance to the leaders of the churches to find ways to nurture their congregations, and equip them to share the message of Christ with the lost (Hebrews 10:23-25).

Go to www.persecution.net/country/algeria.htm to learn more about the increasing pressure being put on Christians in Algeria.
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3. Update on Imprisoned Azeri Pastor

The Voice of the Martyrs has learned of the release today of Azeri pastor Zaur Balaev. Arrested on May 20, 2007 during a house church raid in Aliabad, Pastor Zaur was accused of holding "illegal meetings under the guise of religious activities" but sentenced to two years in prison on fabricated charges of resisting arrest. According to VOMC sources, upon his release Zaur insisted on giving Jesus the credit for setting him free.

For more details on Pastor Zaur and other persecution in Azerbaijan, go to www.persecution.net/country/azerbaijan.htm.
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4. Update on Muslim Attacks on Christians in Ethiopia

VOMC has learned that only one Christian (and not two, as previously reported) was killed by Muslim militants on March 3, 2008, in the town of Nensabo located 325 km southeast of the capital Addis Ababa. His name was Tulu Mosisa. Dozens more were also wounded in the attack on Christians attending a worship service. For more details on the attack, go to www.persecution.net/news/ethiopia38.html.

To learn more about the persecution facing Christians in Ethiopia, please go to www.persecution.net/country/ethiopia.htm. Video reports on persecution in Ethiopia can be viewed at www.persecution.tv. The March edition of The Voice of the Martyrs Newsletter focuses on the trials and faith of those who are spreading the Good News in Ethiopia. Subscribe today at www.persecution.net/nlorder.htm to receive your free subscription.
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5. Update on the Widow of Murdered Sri Lankan Pastor

Mrs. Shiromi Edirisinghe, widow of the late Pastor Neil Edirisinghe, who sustained gunshot injuries in the attack that killed her husband on the February 17 (see www.persecution.net/news/srilanka83.html) still remains in critical condition, according to a March 14 update from the National Christian Evangelical Alliance of Sri Lanka. She has regained consciousness but is still unable to breathe on her own. Pray for the continued recovery of Shiromi and her son.

Please go to www.persecution.net/country/srilanka.htm for more information on the persecution of Christians in Sri Lanka.
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6. In This Week's VOMC Weblog (www.persecution.net/weblog.htm)

Be sure to read the latest weblogs by VOMC CEO Glenn Penner. Check out his in-depth study of why the Corinthian Christians found Paul's ministry so unacceptable and see if you can't identify some parallels to today. Participate in our poll where we ask how the world should respond to China's human rights abuses.
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7. Take the Next Step: Join the VOMC Team

Do you think that God might be asking you to get personally involved in ministry for the Persecuted Church? Why not join the VOMC team as a volunteer. We have opportunities available as an office volunteer, a church representative, or in raising awareness of the worldwide persecution of Christians in your local area. You will be fully supported with prayer, advice, resources, and training. If you don't speak up for the persecuted, who will? Contact our Volunteer Coordinator today at volunteer@persecution.net or call 1.888.298.6423. (Note: this offer is available only to residents of Canada).
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The Persecution & Prayer Alert is a ministry of The Voice of the Martyrs, Canada. (Mailing address: P.O. Box 117, Port Credit, Mississauga, Ontario L5G 4L5)
Tel. (905) 670.9721. Website: www.persecution.net
Editor: Glenn Penner
***********************************
Please do not reply to this email, as it comes from an address that is not monitored. To contact us, use our online form at www.persecution.net/contact.htm.

If you would like to encourage someone to read or receive this weekly publication, please use our online form at www.persecution.net/pnpforward.htm and help spread the message of the Persecuted Church around the world.

Learning Lessons Well

In the last little while, I am being challenged by circumstances in my life. It seems that when you have reached a certain amount of growth, you seem to reach this plateau. I work out at the gym and have a trainer who pushes me so I can attain my goal with regards to going to the gym. A good trainer will always move you up to different levels so that when you reach your plateau, the trainer will shift you up to something new. It gets me out of that comfort zone and onto something more challenging.

I think this is how life is too. When I plateau in my spiritual lessons and growth, God then pushes me to get past this and to grow some more. I am thankful that God gives us challenges to push us to grow more. I think that is where I am now. I believe that I reached a certain level and it was great. Then, God showed me some new things I needed to grow in. The one area I am moving forward in is patience. The other lesson is timing. Everything that I am learning now teaches me patience.

I like to get things quickly done. We live in a society of instant gratification. This gratification fills a person only short term. I am learning that this lesson of patience can take a lifetime to learn. There are times I get frustrated with myself and want things to change faster. God gently reminds me that with his timing, all things work out better. I may be frustrated that something isn't happening sooner, but I am learning to submit to God and give him my problems. I know I am stubborn but I do have a teachable heart which works in my favor. I will be God's student up until the day I die. I know that the lessons I am learning are a journey to reach total submission to God. I must decrease that He may increase.

Some days I pray that God will deal with people who have done me wrong. I do like the sowing and reaping principle. I have also learned to submit my need to see His justice. I actually have learned that it humbles me when He does show His justice. I realize that some days, God could have dealt justice on me and I am thankful He treats me with mercy, compassion and love as well. I am glad that He is God and not me. I think I wouldn't have nearly enough patience to deal with people like He does.

Time is a thief. I used to believe that it is stealing my life away. Yet God reminds me that He is charge of time. He shows me that failures are all a part of His teaching process. I learned that God is patient and sent Jesus to be my Redeemer. There is a Redemption process that makes time a friend rather than a foe.

Fighter

Kevin James- Comic Relief

Grandma is a Hero!

83-year-old woman foils purse snatcher

Sat Mar 15, 5:59 AM ET

An 83-year-old great-grandmother thwarted a would-be purse snatcher with a gas nozzle and an iron grip.

Bernie Garcia said a young man approached her at a gas station as she was buying fuel for her van and asked for money. When she told him she had spent all her spare change on gas, he tried to grab her purse.

"But I had it wrapped around my wrist twice," Garcia said, and he was unable to pull it away.

She fought back, spraying his shirt with some gasoline. Both of them kept hold of the purse, and he pulled her to the ground and dragged her a short distance until another man confronted him.

The second man demanded, "Turn her loose, you something something," Garcia said.

The would-be mugger jumped into a nearby vehicle and fled. But a witness got the license plate number, and minutes later, police stopped the car. It had been reported stolen from Espanola, said Santa Fe Deputy Police Chief Aric Wheeler.

Garcia and a witness identified one of the men inside as the attacker. He and two other men in the car were charged with robbery and conspiracy.

"They got caught and I'm so glad," Garcia said.

She said she felt fine after the attack, and police say she declined medical attention at the scene. But when she got home, she said, she felt faint and went to bed and woke up Thursday very sore. Her son, a former firefighter, checked her out and found no broken bones.

"My son said, `Why didn't you just give (the purse) up?'" Garcia said. "`Hell no,' I told him. That was my purse. I was fighting for what was mine."

Song lyrics | Dreaming Of You lyrics

Paint it Black

'Signs of torture' you can't imagine

By Arwa Damon
CNN

Editor's note: In our Behind the Scenes series, CNN correspondents share their experiences in covering news and analyze the stories behind the events. Here, CNN's Arwa Damon describes the hardships faced by Iraqi women. Her documentary airs this weekend on CNN and CNN International.

Nahla's husband returned to Iraq after the fall of Saddam Hussein. He was killed in a bomb blast in 2007.

more photos »

BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- The pain here is choking -- it's a dark, suffocating sorrow.

"They took my husband away in front of me. I found his body in the morgue a few days later. He had multiple bullet wounds and his eyes had been gouged out," one woman tells me, forcefully twisting a tissue in her hands as if it somehow could ease her agony and erase the chilling memory.

She didn't want her story told, too afraid that she would meet the same fate as the man she loved.

Her husband's body bore the "signs of torture." How many times has that phrase been used? It's such a common phrase it's as if what really happened gets glossed over: skin scraped off their bodies, fingernails ripped out, horrifying screams of pain before death.

How many times have we reported death tolls from one horrific bombing or another and not been able to get across that these are lives that literally were blown apart? No matter how hard we in the media try, Iraq remains a nation filled with untold tragedies, the scope of which so often is overwhelming.

And no matter how hard Iraqis try to shield themselves and those they love from the horrors here, more often than not they fail. Yet they keep fighting. See the sacrifices of Iraq's women »

Nahla works at a radio station and is one of those women. She's tall, slender, elegantly dressed and has a firm handshake. I look at her and it's nearly impossible to imagine what she's been through.

On Deadly Ground: The Women of Iraq

Doctor, divorcee, prostitute, prisoner -- these women risk their lives to talk about the reality of terror and hope in Iraq.
Saturday & Sunday, 8 p.m. ET

see full schedule »

"This numbers game, you always think that you are exempt from the numbers," Nahla tells me, referring to the daily death toll. "You're pained by them, but you are outside of them." Watch Nahla's struggle to live on »

On April 14, 2007, her world shattered. There was an explosion on a bridge in the capital and 10 people were killed. Her husband, Mohammed, was one of them.

"And with it, I am motionless," she says. "Truly, life was in color and now it is in black and white. I feel like it is a game of musical chairs we used to play with others. ... One time you are hit with the chair; another time, someone else is. Now, my son and I are out of the game completely, completely."

The image of the man she loved, tall and proud, is of a doctor who moved his family back to Iraq after the fall of Saddam Hussein because he believed his country needed him. He was a father who doted on their 6-year-old autistic son.

Also etched into her memory is the image of his charred body, melted together with nine others, a twisted pile of black, scorched flesh.

Yet Nahla's voice is calm as she speaks, only breaking at the very end of our conversation, when the pain, buried so deep, rises to the surface. She couldn't suppress her gut-wrenching dry sobs.

I don't know how many times I have heard stories like hers after nearly five years of war here, and yet I still get chills. I can't stop being in awe -- nor can I stop looking at these women in amazement. Life in Iraq has forced people to confront horror that would leave many of us paralyzed. Watch a divorcee forced to live amid squalor with her kids »

Where do they find the strength to keep going?

Don't Miss

• Women killed in Iraqi city for wearing makeup
• Horrors rampant in 'city full of sorrow'
• Youssif's mom: Why my son?
• Iraqi moms turn to prostitution

Some don't and choose to live out their lives as hollow shells, just waiting for this wretched existence to be over. But so many others refuse to be beaten down, refuse to allow the horror that is Iraq to win and kill their spirit.

"If I want to see Baghdad again from before the war, I have to do my part while the other person will do his part and the other person will do his part," says Dr. Eaman, a children's doctor, as her bright smile seems to shine unnaturally in Baghdad's grim atmosphere.

"This is the dream, and I wish everybody would believe it and it will happen, I'm sure, and this is what is keeping me here," she continues. "I have been attacked by three insurgents and was going to be kidnapped."

She now lives at the hospital, choosing to disassociate herself from her 8-year-old son to keep him safe. Watch why "I must help my people" »

"I wish I can have him with me, live with me, you know, raising him, and just show him how to do things more than anything else," Eaman says as she laughs and apologizes for her tears. She knows she chose to live with that pain because she believes other children need her more.

"Iraq is my life, is my country. Being a woman and knowing what other [countries] look like, I want to make a change. I want to make a change for the future for a lot of people."

Yanar is another fighter, petite with curly dark hair and a commanding presence.

"You have been beaten, pushed, kicked and blindfolded," Yanar says, describing today's Iraqi woman. "You cannot see, you cannot hear, but you are kicking back. It's not OK to be like that. You kick back and you fight for what you deserve ... you should not be turned into a prisoner."

She started the Organization for Women's Freedom in Iraq to act as a watchdog to help safeguard women's rights amid war and conflict. She is another woman who exhibits jaw-dropping courage. Go inside Iraq with CNN's Arwa Damon »

She left her family and her comfortable life in Canada and came to Baghdad to build growing support for women's rights. She lives a life that at times sounds more like a James Bond movie -- having to constantly move because of death threats -- than that of a mother of a 9-year-old.

"At many stages I had to change my house so my address is a secret; nobody knows where I am other than 10 very close allies," Yanar says nonchalantly, as if what she is saying is completely normal. But in Iraq it is -- it's a country where a person's parameters of what they accept as being "normal" have to shift to survive.

"What brings me here," Yanar says, "it is that everybody that I love, all the people that I love have been crushed."

She adds, "This cannot happen, should not happen, cannot be allowed to happen."

What we as journalists cannot allow to happen is for these voices to go unheard. No matter how hard it is for us to find them -- literally navigating roadblocks and checkpoints or spending days chasing down someone -- the voices of the innocents caught in war must be heard. E-mail to a friend

Fine Again?

Lyrics | Fine Again lyrics

Broken

Lyrics | Broken (Featuring Amy Lee) lyrics

The New Sins?

Vatican official updates ways of sinning: drugs, pollution, genetic manipulation

Mon Mar 10, 2:24 PM

By Frances D'Emilio, The Associated Press

VATICAN CITY - Sinning has gone global, according to a Vatican official who has singled out genetic experiments, pollution and mind-damaging drugs as among today's new sins.

Also receiving fresh attention by the Vatican are society's injustices, along the lines of the age-old maxim: "The rich get richer while the poor get poorer."

After last year's "Ten Commandments" against road rage and other sins committed behind the wheel, the Vatican has provided its latest update on how God's law is being violated with modern means.

"The poor are always becoming poorer and the rich ever more rich, feeding unsustainable social injustice," Msgr. Gianfranco Girotti, head of the Apostolic Penitentiary, told the Vatican newspaper L'Osservatore Romano in an interview published Sunday.

Girotti was asked what, in his opinion, are the "new sins."

He cited "violations of the basic rights of human nature" through genetic manipulation; drugs which "weaken the mind and cloud intelligence" as well as imbalances between rich and poor.

"If yesterday sin had a rather individualistic dimension, today it has a weight, a resonance, that's especially social, rather than individual," said the monsignor, whose office deals with matters of conscience and grants absolution.

Vatican officials stressed that Girotti's comments broke no new ground on what constitutes sin.

Both Pope Benedict and the late Pope John Paul II frequently expressed concern about the environment. Under Benedict's papacy, Vatican engineers developed plans for some Holy See buildings to use solar energy, including photovoltaic cells on the roof of the auditorium for pilgrims' audiences with the pontiff.

John Paul dedicated much of his long papacy to condemning the gap between have and have-nots in speeches in his travels throughout the world as well as in writings.

Closer to home, Girotti was asked about the many "situations of scandal and sin within the church," in what appeared to be a reference to allegations of sexual abuse by clergy of minors and coverups by the church hierarchy.

Girotti acknowledged the "objective gravity" of the allegations, but said the heavy coverage by of the scandals by the mass media must also be denounced because it "discredits the church."

Benedict has been leading the Vatican's campaign against abortion, and Girotti was asked about the "widespread perception" that the church does not consider the "difficult" predicament of women.

Girotti rejected that view, saying that Catholic organizations help unwed mothers, educating "their children who come into the world because of their lack of foresight" and facilitating adoption.

Last year, the Vatican took on the social problem of road accidents, issuing a kind of "Ten Commandments" for drivers against the sins of road rage, alcohol abuse and even rudeness behind the wheel.

Voice of the Martyr's Prayer Requests

The Persecution & Prayer Alert
The Voice of the Martyrs, Canada
www.persecution.net
Wednesday, March 12, 2008

A weekly news digest on the Persecuted Church and how you can respond.

"Remember Them" -- find out how. Go to www.rememberthem.ca.

Subscribe to the RSS feed at www.persecution.net/pnp.xml.
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In this week's edition: Reports from Ethiopia, Indonesia, Laos, India, Algeria and VOMC
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1. Christians Killed by Muslims in Ethiopia

Muslim militants killed at least two Christians and wounded dozens more on March 3, 2008, in the town of Nensabo located 325 km southeast of the capital Addis Ababa, according to VOMC sources and a March 6 report from International Christian Concern. The militants attacked the Christians, including women and children, while they were attending a worship service.

Eight of the wounded have been taken to the town of Awassa for hospitalization, while others with serious injuries were taken to Black Lion Hospital in Addis Ababa. Among the wounded were a police officer and a Christian whose hand was cut off by the attackers. Reports indicated that the attack was part of a plan by Muslim militants, influenced by the spread of Wahhabism in the area, to wipe out Christians from the Muslim-dominated region. The plan included destruction of churches and attacks on Christian groups involved in missionary work.

Pray that those who mourn for the deceased Christians will find comfort in the fact that Christ has triumphed over death and that those who die in the Lord will be raised with Him (1 Corinthians 15:50-58). Pray that God will embolden Ethiopian Christians to follow the example of those who were martyred for Him (1 Corinthians 11:1).

Learn more about the persecution facing Christians in Ethiopia. Go to www.persecution.net/country/ethiopia.htm. Video reports on persecution in Ethiopia can be viewed at www.persecution.tv. The March edition of The Voice of the Martyrs Newsletter focuses on the trials and faith of those who are spreading the Good News in Ethiopia. Subscribe today at www.persecution.net/nlorder.htm to receive your free subscription.
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2. Church Worship Services Stopped by Muslim Mobs in Indonesia

Muslim protestors have stopped worship services at a church in Sumatra and at another church in Java, according to March 10 report from Compass Direct. The congregation of Love Evangelical Bethel Church near Pekanbaru, Riau province in Sumatra ceased Sunday services after about 60 demonstrators from four local mosques on February 15 demanded its closure. The congregation comprised the only church in the village of 14 mosques.

Similarly, in Banten province on the island of Java, a mob of Muslim youths on February 8 marched on a Christian social services house that also served as the place of worship for the Indonesia Pentecostal Church Kalibaru in the village of Melayu. Led by two mosque leaders, the mob demanded that the church of 30 members be closed. The attacking Muslim youths were part of the Islamic Defenders' Front, one of Indonesia's most active Muslim militant groups.

Pray that the members of these churches will find peace and comfort in Christ as they face various challenges for His Name. Ask God to provide wisdom and guidance to the leaders of the churches to find creative ways to nurture their congregations and equip them to share the message of Christ with the lost (Hebrews 10:23-25).

To learn more about the persecution of Indonesian Christians, go to www.persecution.net/country/indonesia.htm.
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3. Arrests and Prison Sentences for Hmong Christians in Laos

According to a March 11 report from Compass Direct, officials in Laos arrested 15 Hmong Christian families in the Bokeo district on February 22, a day before a court sentenced nine area Hmong church leaders to 15 years in prison for conducting Christian ministry and meetings that had grown beyond acceptable levels for communist officials. The day before the sentencing, Laotian authorities arrived in Ban Sai Jarern village in Bokeo district with six trucks in which they hauled away eight Christian families. Authorities also arrested at least seven families from Fai village three miles away. "It seems they are rounding up all Hmong Christians from Vietnam to send them back to Vietnam," one Christian source told Compass Direct. "What will happen to them is greatly feared and unknown." In total, 58 Hmong Christians were arrested.

The nine church leaders sentenced for conducting prominent Christian ministry and meetings had been rounded up during a police and military sweep of suspected rebels last July that left at least 13 innocent Christians dead.

Pray that those detained will be released. Pray that the nine church leaders who are in prison will know God's strength at this time and that their imprisonment will result in the advancement of God's kingdom (Philippians 1:12-14). Pray God will fill the heart of the Laotian believers with peace beyond comprehension as they bring their needs to the Lord and rejoice in Him (Philippians 4:4-7).

Find out more about the suffering of Christians in Laos. Go to www.persecution.net/country/laos.htm.
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4. Christians Continue to Face Abuse in India

The Voice of the Martyrs continues to receive numerous reports each week of Christians facing charges and abuse for their evangelistic activities in India.

Pastor Nagaraj from the village of Srirampura, Karnataka has had a complaint formally lodged against him for converting Hindus. On March 4, he and his wife were beaten by a Hindu mob. He was then taken by force to the local police station where he was detained until the next day.

Forty-one year old Vijay Burman converted to Christ 14 years ago. On February 29, Bajrang Dal and Dharma Sena activists lodged a written complaint against him that he is converting people by promising good jobs to anyone who turns away from Hinduism. Those who live near him in Bhongadwar Kajarwara, Madhya Pradesh say that this accusation is completely false. Such accusations are commonly made against those who are involved in evangelistic work in India.

Remember to pray for the continuing evangelistic ministry of Christians in India. Pray that the Word of the Lord may speed ahead and be honoured, and that those who share the Good News may be delivered from wicked and evil men (2 Thess. 3:1-2).

To view more reports on the rising persecution facing Christians in India, go to www.persecution.net/country/india.htm. Video reports are also available on www.persecution.tv.
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5. Update on Orissa, India

All India Christian Council (AICC) reported this week that Christian leaders in Orissa continue to tell of scattered cases of discrimination two months after the major violence that broke out against Christians in the state. Numerous reports are surfacing of unfair treatment by government assessors who refuse to give the promised compensation to those who lost their homes. Moreover, a case filed in the Orissa High Court by Archbishop R. Cheenath to rebuild Catholic churches and institutions was rejected. The Orissa government also continues to ban direct assistance to victims by non-governmental groups. According to AICC, between December 24, 2007 and the end of January 2008, approximately 1000 Christian homes were attacked and set on fire, about 35 Christian shops vandalized, and 95 churches destroyed (for more information on these attacks, including photos, go to www.persecution.net/news/india265.html).

Go to www.persecution.net/country/india.htm for more on persecution in India.
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6. Update on Algerian Christians Facing Sentencing

In February, Middle East Concern (MEC) requested prayer from Christians around the world on behalf of Christians facing court hearings and awaiting official verdicts in Algeria (see www.persecution.net/news/algeria4.html). On March 4, they requested prayer for three items. First, one Christian brother had a court hearing scheduled for Wednesday, March 5. The believer concerned had been told informally that he would be sentenced to one year in prison and fined. On March 6, MEC happily reported that he had been acquitted.

According to MEC, two other items require your prayers. The written verdicts for three Christian men accused of insulting Islam was expected on February 12 but has still not been received. They have been told informally that they will be sentenced to prison and fined. Another brother has a hearing scheduled for April 2.

Christians in Algeria ask that we continue to pray that our three brothers awaiting a written verdict will not be sentenced to jail and that the brother involved in the hearing on April 2 will be acquitted. Please pray that the media attention will have a positive impact on the church, drawing more people to respond to the love and truth of Jesus. Pray also that fellowships recently closed in Algeria will be allowed to reopen and that believers will find worship and fellowship with others. Pray that God will provide pastors for the groups of Christian migrant workers in the country. Finally, pray that Algerian officials will hear the gospel of Jesus Christ and respond to His love.

Go to www.persecution.net/country/algeria.htm to learn more about the increasing pressure being put on Christians in Algeria.
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7. Western Canada Persecuted Church Prayer Conference

Edmonton, Alberta - April 5
9:30 a.m. - 3:30 p.m.

Mark your calendars, invite a friend and plan to attend VOMC's 2008 Western Canada Persecuted Church Prayer Conference in Edmonton, Alberta on April 5. Special guests include two special African choirs from Eritrea and Nigeria, Dr. John, the director of a VOMC partner ministry that provides hope to Christians in India, and Kevin Kisilowsky, a Manitoba marriage commissioner who is fighting for the right not to perform same sex marriages because of his Christian beliefs. Staff from The Voice of the Martyrs, including Glenn Penner and Greg Musselman, will also be reporting on VOMC's work around the world with the Persecuted Church. For more information, go to www.persecution.net/conferences.htm.
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8. In This Week's VOMC Weblog (www.persecution.net/weblog.htm)

Be sure to read the latest weblogs by VOMC CEO Glenn Penner. In particular, check out his comments on "Freedom of Expression: When Rights and Responsibility Clash" as Glenn discusses the difficult tension between freedom of expression and when the exercise of this freedom could cause harm to others. Also, he questions recent comments made by the U.S. Secretary of State concerning the practice of human rights and the extent of true freedom in the Muslim world in his blog, "Connie, What Are You Talking About?" Give us your comments on these or any other VOMC weblogs.
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The Persecution & Prayer Alert is a ministry of The Voice of the Martyrs, Canada. (Mailing address: P.O. Box 117, Port Credit, Mississauga, Ontario L5G 4L5)
Tel. (905) 670.9721. Website: www.persecution.net
Editor: Glenn Penner
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Please do not reply to this email, as it comes from an address that is not monitored. To contact us, use our online form at www.persecution.net/contact.htm.

If you would like to encourage someone to read or receive this weekly publication, please use our online form at www.persecution.net/pnpforward.htm and help spread the message of the Persecuted Church around the world.

Unacceptable Boyfriend Behaviour
7 relationship offences you shouldn't tolerate ...
By Mariève Inoue

Unacceptable Boyfriend Behaviour

Compromise is an important part of any relationship, and so is forgiveness, when your beau makes a mistake and recognizes he was wrong. But there are some things that aren’t as easy to forget as others, and some extreme breaches to your trust that are not acceptable coming from someone you love—and who supposedly loves you. Here is boyfriend behaviour we won’t tolerate, and neither should you. Check out the “Serious Scale” to see how we rated each on a scale of five, depending on how serious the offence.
Lying
Dishonesty is not an admirable trait—in anyone, not just the opposite sex. If your man has lied to you on several occasions (and we don’t count hiding the huge surprise party that your friends threw for your birthday), he may be hiding something more serious, such as activities you may not approve of, or behaviour that you may find immoral.

Serious Scale rating: 3 / 5
Pretty serious. If you suspect your boyfriend is lying to you, it may be a good idea to sit down and have a talk with him about honesty, and how important it is in your relationship.

Hanging the phone up on you
Flabbergasted? You should be. The action of hanging up on someone is extremely disrespectful, regardless of if you were saying something he might not have wanted to hear. If your boyfriend ever crosses this line, it’s important to get him to understand how insulting it is. You’ve never done it to him, so why would it be acceptable for him to do it to you?
Serious Scale rating: 2 / 5
Serious enough in our books. Once is forgivable, but talk to him about it—it shouldn’t happen again.

Cheating
Women have different views on whether or not cheating is ever forgivable. Even definitions of what is considered “cheating” can differ; is it sleeping with someone other than your partner, kissing, cuddling—or even just thinking of someone else in a sexual context? Regardless of your definition of cheating, keep in mind that although you may have forgiven him for it, it doesn’t mean he won’t do it again—or that you’ll ever be able to trust him fully even if he doesn’t.

Serious Scale rating: 4 / 5
Serious. Once a cheater, always a cheater is our opinion—so if you’re considering forgiving him, think long and hard about how this will affect your relationship in the long term.

Betraying your trust
If you’ve confided something to your beau and he goes and blabs to all his friends, you’ll probably feel like he’s betrayed your trust. Trust is something you build, not something that can be commanded. For some women, it may be months, even years before they learn to trust someone, depending on their past experiences, but also on their current partner and how trustworthy he’s proven to be.


Serious Scale rating: 3 / 5
Pretty serious. Not being able to trust your boyfriend to keep a secret is a big deal, but there’s good news: most of the time, men don’t realize they’re not supposed to keep information for themselves if you don’t make it clear to them in the first place. If you shared something personal with your beau and he told someone else, he probably just didn’t realize how important it was for you that he keep quiet. Have a talk with him about it—chances are he won’t do it again.

Manipulation
Manipulation is another biggie; manipulative men will often try to make you change yourself to better suit their taste (whether it be your clothing, physical appearance, or behaviour). In some cases, you may not even realize that you are changing, little by little, to make them “happy”. Pay attention to what your close friends have to say about your beau, and the comments they make; if they’re always saying how much you’ve changed since you’ve started seeing him, or any other remarks that indicate you’re being influenced by your boyfriend to an extreme extent, you may want to stop and think about the direction your relationship is taking.

Serious Scale rating: 4 / 5
Serious. You shouldn’t have to change anything about yourself to please a man: if he really loves you, he’ll never ask you to in the first place.

Not respecting your friends and family
Your family has known you since you were born, and although they may not be perfect (who is, anyway?), they are still your family—which means your boy owes them respect. Same thing for your friends: they were probably there before your man made his entrance into your life, and chances are they’ll still be there if he’s ever out of the picture; so be weary of any guy who constantly makes negative remarks about your friends, parents, siblings, etc.
Serious Scale rating: 3 / 5
Pretty serious. Avoid guys who disrespect your friends and family, and under no circumstances should your boyfriend try to discourage you from seeing them and keeping in touch with them!

Abuse
Any kind of abuse is unacceptable from the person you love most (or from anyone else, for that matter), whether it’s verbal, emotional, or physical. This is a given, but we’ll say it anyway: your partner laying even a finger on you in an aggressive manner means you should get out, NOW. Verbal abuse is not in the least way any more acceptable: words often hurt more than actual physical pain. And as for emotional abuse, it’s not any less of a big deal; someone who causes you to feel bad or guilty all the time definitely isn’t doing you any good.

Serious Scale rating: 5 / 5
Very serious. If you’re in an abusive relationship (of any type), seek help immediately. Contact a therapist, counsellor, or support group. Ask your doctor to refer you to a mental health practitioner.

All of the above are signs you may need to either sit down and have a talk with your beau, or even reconsider the relationship altogether, in more serious cases. Of course, just as none of this behaviour is tolerable coming from him, it isn’t any more acceptable coming from you, either. Make sure you’re not disrespecting each other in any way by keeping communication between the two of you wide open—for a healthy, happy relationship!

Warning Signs

10 Signs That He's Not the One for You

By Wendy Bolton Floyd and Judy Bolton Special to Yahoo! Personals Updated: Feb 26, 2008

1. Not high on life. If the man you are dating or married to needs an extra boost to get through the day (other than simply having you in his life), then your relationship is in jeopardy. Alcohol and substance abuse will always be more important to him than you are, so step aside and encourage him to focus on recovery. Since this often takes quite a bit of time, keep your distance and support him from afar. But remember, even his sober-self may not be what you want in your life, so take stock and be realistic about what's best for you.
2. Has a previous engagement. If he's already married and trying to date you, it's cheating, not just on his wife and family, but on you as well. Look, if you know he's married, you are disillusioned -- you think he's going to leave his wife for you. Tune in to your own reality show and break it off. If you truly don't know, look for possible signs: is he able to spend holidays with you? Do you only have his cell number? Have you ever been to his place (really his place, not his friend's bachelor pad)? Does he seem secretive and defensive? Hmmm.
3. Likes your clothes...a lot. A man dressing like a woman at Halloween, once, is funny. Twice, not so much. Three times and he also wants to shop at Victoria's Secret with you, and it's time to re-evaluate the relationship. A good man may be hard to find, but you have plenty of "girl" friends. Stay casual friends with this guy if you like, but say bye-bye to a romance and find a man who prefers trousers over pantyhose.
4. Keeps a harem. There are a lot of blended families today, and many couples have children from previous relationships, but it's a big no-no to create a new life while you are married to or dating someone else. Even though you love him and he's sorry and he'll never do it again, you need to break up with him.
“It's not being unsympathetic, it's self-preservation”
It's not being unsympathetic, it's self-preservation.
5. Infatuated with work. Being dedicated to your work is a very attractive quality -- it shows drive, initiative and responsibility. But if your own sacrifices, such as raising the kids on your own, going to family functions alone, and setting aside your own dreams and goals, are not appreciated (a lot) by your mate, you need to ask yourself if you are in a marriage or the live-in help.
6. Sexually preoccupied. What goes on in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom. Figuring out what turns you both on is a good and healthy thing. Being in a committed relationship means doing these things together, so finding out your partner is getting all hot and bothered on the internet or while flipping the pages of a magazine you found in his sock drawer, or -- yuck -- by calling 888-hot-love are real red flags that he's more interested in "me" than "thee." Ask him about it and decide if you really want someone else turning on your man.
7. Adores material things. All women feel great when a sophisticated man wants to be with them, but if he spends more time in front of the mirror than you do, spends more money on his clothing and is more interested in what he has in his possession than what he has in you, think again if that handsome face and big bank account is worth it. Relationships cannot be based on things and appearances. There needs to be a solid foundation of genuine caring, concern, respect and friendship, in addition to love. It's not who has the most toys who wins, but what is actually valued in a relationship consistently, every day. Think about it.
8. Has bad juju. Intuition is a very useful tool, so if you detect something inappropriate when your man is in the presence of family members or children or friends you don't see that often, pay attention. A dark history or secret life can easily be hidden by a charming personality and a smile. If you are married to the man, you need to get some answers. If you are dating, listen to your head over your heart and tell him it's just not working out. Even if you are wrong, there was definitely something about him that wasn't right for you.
9. Owns a pair of brass knuckles. It is never, under any circumstance, ever OK for anyone to be mean or to hurt you physically in any way. A bad day, stress at the office, something you may have said or done - nope, not good enough. This type of behavior says "bad news" all over it. Break up, leave, change your number. You do not need someone in your life at the expense of your self-respect and safety.
10. Isn't the one. Sometimes it's a good idea - and very okay - to break up simply because there is no chemistry. It's hard to keep waiting for the "right one," but it's worth it in the end. No one wants to feel as though they've "settled." You are worth having someone be loving and kind and special and make bells ring and birds chirp in your head, to make your heart pound and your palms sweaty. If it just isn't there, say "thank you very much, nice to have met you" and wait for Mr. Right.

Relationship red flags

* Attempts to isolate you from family/friends
* Equates total submission with total love
* Puts you down in front of others
* Makes you feel crazy
* Avoids time with your friends
* Lacks common courtesy

Cold as Ice

Song lyrics | Cold As Ice lyrics

Juno-Awesome Movie

I went to see Ellen Page in Juno and it was a great movie. It really makes you think about pregnancy and the effects it can have on teenagers. It takes a comic stand at the whole pregnancy idea. She is an individual who doesn't need to put on airs of any sort. She is funny in her own right. The guy who plays her boyfriend is so funny with the tic tacs. It is so charming and would suggest any person go and watch this movie. It strikes out as a movie of individuality.

It made me realize that being an individual in your own right can't do you wrong. I think that this movie gives you a realistic view of how teenagers might look at the whole idea of pregnancy. I love movies which take on its own story. It involves a real plot and invites you to understand the world which she lives in. It is throughly enjoyable.

Glad God is Who He is

I am just very thankful God is who He says He is. I am learning to trust because of Him. I just wish I had learned some of these lessons earlier. I am thankful that I can hear Him now. I believe that He can make all things right. I may be screwed up but He is the only One who can fix me.