Within the Pain

I have been fighting through my pain this week. My heart feels like it has been battered and bruised. I feel sick at how the world keeps turning while millions die of hunger, disease, war and natural disasters. I can't wrap my mind around it. I want to be narcistic about the whole thing and think that I can control this somehow. I can't and there are some things that are bound in life to happen. Death is a sure bet for all of us.

This week I wanted to get off this crazy train called life and just escape somehow. I comfort myself in that I have lots to be thankful for. The truth is that we all do. I want to take the argument of how could God let innocent people stand trial or go through terrible suffering and death. I pondered this and then realized that the answer is as simple as looking at Jesus' face. Jesus came to this earth so innocent and pure and without blemish and sin. What did we do to Him? We killed Him. We tore out his beard, we spit on him, we mocked him, we whipped him, we beat him so badly that there was no way of telling who he was, we then crucified Him and watched Him die as we mocked and laughed at God. I look at that and then realize that Pain is a part of our humanity and it is us that choose to cause pain. God allows it to happen because He is so loving and merciful that He endures with us because of who Jesus is and because of His mercy. It is also because HE is JUST. He isn't like us at all. He KEEPS HIS WORD.

Maybe it is the childlike idealism in me but I still have hope for this world and maybe even for myself. I have realized that there are no guarantees in life. God can't guarantee me that I won't go through suffering or that I won't die. That would mean that what Jesus did didn't exist. Jesus suffered and He also died. This means that we as human beings are just dust. We can fool ourselves by pridefully lifting up our flesh and believing we are indestructible. The truth is that is the most temporal and fleeting thing about us. I used to buy into and maybe still do at times that my flesh is perfect and that people like me because of my flesh. I look on the TV and see ads for that endless youthful prospect. The truth is we are just fooling ourselves. Inside of us is a heart that can contain the very Savior that died for all of us. To see people with the fact that God's image is on each person is the only way to look at each other. The image is not only in the flesh but the image is mostly crafted inside of us. God's craftmanship is contained in the flesh. God's crafting came from dust and the flesh is a masterpiece of course but it is what lies beneath His crafting is what really matters.

I think the problem with us is that we play God alot of times. There are only certain people that are beautiful to us. Instead of accepting our differences and respecting that God made some to look one way and then some another, we vouch for a communistic view of the flesh. We want everyone to be what we deem as beauty. I often think that Satan plays a tape on the TV, internet and Movies saying that only certain people are acceptable and loveable. It is His way of condemning us all to Hell I guess. The more we condemn another, the more we condemn ourselves. Satan condemns us all because He Himself is condemned. I know that when we accept Jesus, we see the flesh of others in a whole different way. At least we have eyes that Jesus can open so we can see that image to Him is not the way we see it at all.

I realized today that in this pain of mine is the answer to my struggle. As long as I am on this earth, I will want to fit in and be like everyone else. I also know that if I can get my focus off myself, I can focus on Jesus long enough to see that this doesn't really matter at all and that what I really need to do is not fit in. I won't in fact fit in because Jesus didn't either. I think I just realized that the battle will be going on till the day I die. The only way to live is to be a soldier and fight. I so look forward to putting down my sword at Jesus' feet and be done with my battle with pride. Victory over Pain is Jesus alone!